2007-01-29 - 11:47 a.m.

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It seems that Shmuppie has taken it on herself to become the family's moral compass/censor. Good for her. It's about time someone took on the role. Lord knows JewelrySlut and I aren't doing a very good job of it.

Saturday, I got 35 sad faces from her. I was especially bad. She's taken to tattling on anyone who ever says a bad word, or what she perceives to be a bad word. It's gotten quite annoying.

For example: On Saturday morning, she was up first. I got up, got dressed and went to help her through her morning things. When we went to her room to get dressed I was told:
"When I went to Myrtle Beach, I had on a red bathing soup (she doesn't say suit...she says soup) and Mommy said a bad word"
This came out left field. "Why the hell are you starting the day by tattling on Mommy? We haven't been to Myrtle Beach in months"
"You said a bad word."
"What the hell are you talking about?"
"You said another bad word"
"Shit"
"You said another bad word"
"Hon! Why is the kid accusing you of swearing in Myrtle Beach?"
I got no response from our room. JewelrySlut was likely enjoying a moment of bathroom peace, something she does not get all week.

And so on and so forth.

Later that day, I was doing something in the kitchen. Cutting up some vegetable or another and I cursed. Shmuppie, having accused me of saying a bad word, went into the living room, got her "Ant Paper" (A pad from Terminex we picked up at the Home Show) and announced I was getting a sad face. Deciding to have some fun, I decided to make up as many combinations I could using the word shit. I got 35 sad faces. Now, since my shits were flying so fast and free, I was presented with a paper filled with upside-down "U's". No time for the whole face, just the sad part.

Know why I'm the World's one and only NoGoodDaddy? When I ask her what happens when she tattles on people, she says "I make the baby Jesus cry."

Good parenting that is.

On Saturday, when we weren't getting sad faces, we also went and looked at some new houses. I convinced JewelrySlut to head to Apex/Holly Springs after the Farmer's Market to investigate some new townhouses. We saw all 4 models and liked them. Fortunately for us, the place is still under construction, so it looks pretty bare. Our neighborhood now if old-ish so we have tall trees and stuff. We like it that way. But, these places were nice. All are 3 stories and have 2-car garages. We're also realizing that our tastes in houses are changing. We've decided that we no longer need a formal dining or living room. These places had kitchens that flowed into eating areas. We like that. We like being able to entertain in the kitchen. Having a galley kitchen now kinda ruins that. So does the fact that our only friends live 500 miles away. Alas.

So, the 'rents are coming on or about the 9th. JewelrySlut is very lucky. My mother will be arriving some time on the 7th. She's driving all 3 dogs down from NJ that day. My father hopes she "has the endurance" to make it. He's also proposing that she sleep at the house, on the floor, until the truck arrives. Because, as we know, they don't want to be a burden on us. Am I Jewish? Did I miss a memo? Burden? Their not being a burden is what makes them a burden. I ha mentioned that Shmuppie and I may be away that weekend, and that threw them off. So, now my mother has asked us to be home. For what I don't know. I don't plan to unpack their truck, nor do I plan to clean their floors. They bought the place, they can clean it. In fact, I plan to now take Shmuppie to the circus, assuming I can get tickets. I have to do that whenever I get bored of typing. But, they don't want to be a burden on us. If we don't get a new kitchen or A/C in the basement after this is all said and done, we're moving to Minnesota. They're not even here and they're already killing us.

And, I'm not jealous that JewelrySlut is going away. I could not be happier for her if I tried. No way does she need to go through this mess. I can dodge a lot of it by playing the "Watch the kid" and "Do you think I care about your house?" cards. She's less able to do so.

Ugh.

The rest of the weekend was fun. We went to the Y yesterday to go swimming. I finally got to see Shmuppie in action. She's quite the little fish. Her swim instructors are taking considerable interest in her. We think they're going to want her to join the swim team as soon as she's old enough. They apparently ride her in lessons, making her do laps. She's 4 and can swim a full length of the pool without stopping. Not bad. I figure she'll never be able to throw a curveball, so I'll have to take out my hyperagressiveness out on a swim team. JewelrySlut can hardly wait. But, we had a good time and it was a good way to burn off some of the kid's pent up energy. We may have to make a routine out of this.

Hey! I'm in PA again! I'm so excited I could pee in my pants. As usual, I'm here and I have nothing at all to do. And I had to come all the way here to do nothing why? Can someone tell me? Please? PHL was its usual fun self this morning.

We arrived about 20 minutes early and had to wait for the gate people to park us. Now, I ask this: Why can't the captain call the airport and say something like "Hey, this is Captain DeepVoice of US Air 990. We're a little early. Can you all make sure you have a gate crew ready for us?" They do talk to the airport about stuff like wind and runways, don't they? Can't they throw this into the conversation?

So, having waited for a gate, we went to baggage. Up on the big sign it told us to go to carousel G. OK...so we all gathered there. And waited. And waited. The sign on top of the carousel told us our flight was there as did the monitors. So, we waited. About 15 minutes later a guy walked past dragging 2 bags "If y'all ur frum Rahluh Duhrum, yur bags are ovur at B" At that moment, several people all said the same thing (and got sad faces) "This airport SUCKS!"

We trudged to B, where the signs said the bags were from Miami and there were our Rahluh bags circling. Just fucking great. How were we to know this? Better yet, how'd the guy with the 2 bags know to go to B? He could barely form a sentence. G...B...I don't know.

To make matters worse, I have to stay in a new hotel this week. The Res was booked as was the Courtyard. On the bright side, it allows me to post a new hotel review on TripAdvisor. That's always fun.

Well...I need to go do something. Maybe I'll resume my search for a house to rent down at the beach.

TTFN

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