Monday Night:
Friday was fun. I got to EWR in plenty of time. Lord knows why I felt the need to take all this time, but take it I did. I had spent the morning praying for an on-time flight. It was snowing at 6:00 when I woke up so I didn't expect much. As always, EWR failed to disappoint.
See, when you fly Continental (and any other airline) you can print your boarding pass ahead of time. I always do so because I want to sit in an exit row and stretch out. At EWR, you have to go to the .com bag drop when you're checked in. It's a simple procedure:
Swipe passport or credit card - check
Key in first 3 letters of destination - RAL
Do you have any luggage? - Yes
How many bags? - 1
Is it over 50lbs? - No
Then, the machine spits out a luggage tag, the underpaid angry lady doesn't check your ID and you go.
Not last week.
I found myself on line behind Jessica and Caryn (I think). I know those were their names because it said so on the legs of their matching "World Stars" pants. These were NJ cheerleaders to the hilt; overly made up, too tan for January, and wearing an odd assortment of things in their hair. They were one of the many reasons we moved.
Well, they couldn't check in. And, they were fucking up the line. EWR being EWR, there were some 14 kiosks. And they had like 4 open. One was occupied by a Pilipino with an 800lb bag who could not understand that he needed to pay a surcharge, and no sir, we don't take checks. So, the line is fucking up and Jessica and Caryn (who may have been wearing each other's pants for all the brains they had) were the reason. One's on the cell phone with the group chaperone and the other is randomly keying things into the screen. I guess she was hoping to eventually get the confirmation number right.
Me being me, I decided to try to help
Do you have ID on you?
(blank stares)
Do you have photo ID?
Um...like, yea
OK...you need to go over there (pointing to Domestic check in)
Like no way. They told us to come here.
Do you have one of these (waving boarding pass)? This is the line for people who checked in already and just want to check a bag.
(blank stares)
Do you 2 even know where you're going?
(Thinking very hard) Indiana?
OK. Do you know what airport?
Indiana?
See, Indiana's got a few airports. Don't you know which one? (At this point, I'm in full Sarcastic Asshole mode and am getting a laugh from the people on line)
Like...no
Well, I think you need to go over there where all the people are. Maybe someone over there can help you.
With that, I walked off.
Now, I know I'm in an airport twice a week and am better at moving about in airports than most people, but, for the love of all things holy, you need to know where you're going, don't you? And, these were kids! Did they not have parents?
Ugh.
And, to make it better, when I finally got to the head of the security line, the TSA guard was on his cell phone with someone and wasn't even checking ID's. I could have walked through carrying all the liquids on Earth (because to carry explosives would have been bad) and no one would have been any wiser.
I love EWR.
We managed to take off an hour late because they had to repair an engine. While we sat on the plane and waited.
The engine.
On Sunday, I thought our heat pump was on fire. It turns out that when it spews smoke and it hot to the touch, things are normal. I missed that part of my Welcome to the South Manual for Yankees. I had to call the HVAC people and be told to calm down, that it was normal for the A/C to be on and for smoke to be rising from below my deck.
All in a Raleigh Day.
But, Monday was a PA day. The flight up was OK, but Holy Shit was it cold in Philly. There was fresh snow on the ground and I was none too happy to be in it. I don't think I helped myself when I wandered the lot at National looking for a car with XM. But, I'm hooked. What can I say?
Tuesday Morning
(The following is a joke for Smed only)
I'm at the Residence Inn this week
If I stay at the Rez, I earn points half as fast as I do at the Courtyard.
If I stay at the Rez, I sleep better than I do at any other hotel
If I stay at the Rez, breakfast is included.
If I stay at the Rez, I drink good coffee.
(We're back now. I hope the joke went over well)
This hotel is nice. But, the front desk staff is lacking. They have a lot of turnover, so they don't know me at all. It's nothing like the Courtyard in NJ. Here's how check in transpired:
(Handing over my Amex) Checking in. Last name is Daddy
Oh Hi, Mr. Daddy. (type type type) Oh, I see you're a Gold Member. Congratulations
(Grumble)
You're not excited?
No. All t hat means is that I spend a lot of time away from home.
Oh. Can I get your company name?
(Now. I call it RedCompany, right? You all know where I work these days, right? It's a rather large company that the whole planet recognizes)
It's RedCompany
Oh. That's Z-O
No. RedCompany
Oh. Z-E
No...R-E-D
Oh...RedCompany. I get it.
My hotel room is nice. It has a fireplace. I somehow got bumped to a 2BR suite this week. That means I have a special poopin' bathroom! I can destroy one and not have to smell it in my bedroom! Who says business travel is no fun anymore? Certainly not me.
For some reason I wrote the following on a piece of paper next to my bed last night. I can't remember why:
Balding loser in a wrinkle-free shirt
I'm only to assume I was coming up with a new way to insult myself. Beyond that, I don't really know.
Tuesday afternoon
I bought these odd candies last weekend. They're called Horehound drops. How could I resist them? I like to bring strange foodstuffs here to PA because I'm the class clown here. And, I mean...Horehound.
So, we're sitting here and the site GM, A, came in here. He saw the box
(In his Texas accent) What are these?
Horehound drops. I brought them form NC. I like to bring strange southern foods here.
What do they taste like?
We're not sure. We're determining if they taste like Hore or Hound. The jury's out.
Oh. Are they soft or hard? (Pops one in his mouth). Oh...you suck it.
That's what she said.
I mean, that joke's never going to get old. I know they use it on the Office so it's not supposed to be funny, but I'll be damned if it ain't. It's also funny that I said this to someone who's about 67 levels up the food chain at RedCompany than I am.
I really don't care.
I'm debating whether or not I should post this now or see if I can come up with anything else to say. On days like this, I wish I had more of a blog-style page where I could add a sentence at a time as the mood hit me. Of course, I'm writing this paragraph for me only. Because, whether or not I post it now, you'll all see it at once.
I think I need to go to bed.
Maybe I'll post now.