2007-01-05 - 12:05 p.m.

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How boring is work?

Well, I've spent the morning trying to rationalize how the Postal Service thinks it can get away with charging $.65 plus postage for Business Reply Mail.

Yea...work is awesome.

It's been slow this week. I should have expected it though; HealthCareRelatedCompany blows its wad in the weeks coming into the end of the year and then has a collective post-coitus nap during January. As a result, I have nothing to do. Plus, HealthCareRelatedCompany is playing a fun game with us lately. It's called "Change the rules every 15 minutes and see if they'll snap". One day we manage projects, the next we only estimate them, the following day, we dance like trained monkeys.

Plus, since I've been home, they seem to be forgetting I exist. I've been un-assigned from maybe 2 projects lately and I don't know if I should be concerned or take time to focus on more important things like redesigning the bathroom or kitchen. I'm up in NJ the week after next so maybe then they'll remember who I am and give me something meaningful to do.

Last night, after watching 30 Rock (a show we don't quite know why we watch), I got out of the chair and climbed on JewelrySlut. There, I held court discussing again not only how awesome it would be to have a monkey tail, but how I can go about getting one. All I can say is that it's a good plan and I think I can pull it off. Getting specially tailored pants seems to be the #1 hang-up so far.

I don't like my laptop's standalone keyboard. Did I describe that properly? I have it plugged into a USB port and it somehow makes me angry. Maybe I'm at the wrong height or something. Maybe I'm just a whining bitch. Who's to say?

I was catching up on some reading yesterday and looking through all my links. It occurred to me that this mess has become less and less about my rearing of a wild child and more of a place where I bitch about smelly people in airports. I need to go back to my roots I think.

So, speaking of which, Shmuppie has been behaving better as of late. Ever since Thanksgiving, her behavior's been a lot better. Having me home, we think, helps. Things have been mostly good. We had a minor issue this morning, when she announced that she hated the 2 of us. That led to some corner time and an explanation of why we don't hate people (of course, JewelrySlut interjected (quietly) that we hate most people who are beneath us, but that's another episode). But, for the most part, she's been good.

The next fun challenge comes in early February when JewelrySlut goes away to Ireland for 10 days. She's making me lists of things to remember to do. Things like: pick up the kid at preschool, feed the kid, bathe the kid, provide snacks and lunch for school. We'll have to warn the preschool that things could get ugly. Once, back in olden days, I dropped Shmuppie off at daycare with her shoes on the wrong feet and a very lopsided ponytail. Her sitters took pity on me though. I'm not sure about the teachers though. They may just report me. I never wanted to become the father who needs a list, but with me away all fall, I have no clue what goes on around here anymore. It's all very confusing to me. So, it will be a challenge. Plus, Shmuppie and I haven't been left alone since October of 2004 when JewelrySlut had to go to Ohio for a few days. She's got a day off from school that week, so I may take a day off from work too. Plus, the circus is in town, so we may go to that.

But, and this is the most importantest thing about that week, that's the week my parents arrive. So, I have to find ways to dodge unpacking duties.

JewelrySlut felt bad about going to Ireland. But, as I said to her, "If you stay and unpack, you have to suffer through it and then have a lifetime of hearing about what a bad job you did and how horrible it was. However, if you go to Ireland, you miss the unpacking and then have a lifetime of being told how awful you were for abandoning them. So, it's unpack and a lifetime of misery or Ireland and a lifetime of misery. Your choice."

"Hello, Delta? Yea...I need to cash in some miles".

I swear, that week is going to be worse than hell. The 2 of them may be living here; I'll be working and playing Mommy. That will be infinitely more difficult because my mother will be around. My mother is still very good at doing the opposite of whatever we say. We know we need to stand up to her, and we're waiting until they're here. Last weekend my father assured us they would not be butting in on our lives and that they did not follow us here.

Right.

Speaking of my father, we made him mad a few times last weekend. And, Shmuppie had a hand in both major instances. See, my daddy is a bit on the fat side. So, Shmuppie was sitting on his lap and she commented that he was like a pillow or was squishy or something. The 3 of us nearly died laughing.

My father also likes to act like an ass from time to time. Part of his routine is to say the word "What" in this strange voice. It's hard to describe, but the "T" at the end gets clipped and almost comes out like a combination of a D and a T. That end noise is often repeated at the end. Sometimes vowels are added. It's annoying. Lately, I've taken to making just the end noise. Shmuppie thinks it sounds like a bird, so JewelrySlut named it the Bobbo Bird. Well, Grampy (the Bobbo in question) did the "what" noise on New Year's Eve and I chimed in with the bird sound. Shmuppie got all excited and started making fun of Grampy because he sounded like a bird. He then went upstairs and pouted.

New Year's was a good time.

Well, this has made no sense at all and I need to go to the Y to work off some of my holiday pudge.

Later.

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