2006-11-06 - 8:28 p.m.

Know what I did this morning?

Other than get irrationally pissed off while dealing with US Air, the dude next to me on the plane who had no concept of the whole "The armrest is there to keep your smelly self off of me" and the Suckadelphia Airport...

I came up with the name for my book. Now, I have no plans to write a book, but I have a title for it. Wanna hear what it is? Well, we all know that's impossible. I'd have to post my cell number and then tell you because I don't have one of those things where I can make sounds that I want come out of your computer...

But that would be cool because I totally would make Andria's (sorry...no links because I don't have my cheat sheet on the laptop) computer yell HOAR all the time.

Like nobody saw that coming.

Anyhoo...the book title

That's the name of my book.

It's awesome.

At least I think so. You don't have to, at least not until the book comes out and then you all will have to buy it. But, it will probably be about a balding man who spends too much time on cramped airplanes and in dirty rental cars. It will be a hoot...just like this thing over the past 2 months.

I'm really sorry. Not as sorry as I am for one of my fantasy football teams. It may be the worst team ever assembled. It's that bad. But, I haven't been in the spirit lately. Too tired and road weary.

So, back in PA this week. Doing what, I'm not sure. But, it's starting to smell like I may be pulled onto 2 projects at once. That does not please me. The mess up in NJ is mess enough. I don't need to be here again. But they seem to think I can help things. They're quite foolish if you ask me.

I think I'd like to stay home for a while and not have to work. Because Friday was not fun. I was happy to be home and all, but it was not a fun day. The people I work with are monkeys and should not be trusted with computers or brains. M is still a colossal retard and has yet to learn how to compose an email. And L still needs a serious boning to lighten her the fuck up. Anyone want $20? I'll pay whoever is willing to fuck her. She's short, skinny, has a big mole on her face, smokes and likely will complain the whole time. There's got to be someone out there who needs $20. Anyone? I beg.

Then again, I'd like to be home but not have to deal with certain home things while I'm there. Like Shmuppie. She had her first (and only thank God) beating at 8:15 on Friday morning. The kid just does not get it. And, what she likes to do when I get irritated with her is run to JewelrySlut, hug her legs, and announce "I love you, Mommy". Way wrong answer, kid. WHAP! This all started because she decided that rather than eat breakfast, she's sit on the crapper and play with herself and the toilet paper roll. So, she got a red ass and still had to eat her French toast. Not a good deal for her if you ask me.

Then, to make life even more fun, we had carpeting put in upstairs on Friday. The plan was thus: they'd come Saturday and put in the carpet. Well, that became Friday. That was fine with me because I didn't want to waste a weekend day on carpet installation when we could instead go to the Farmer's Market and buy spinach and goat cheese. So, since this carper was coming from my parent's estate, the Pepes (not the same Pepes who moved us out of NJ, into the NC house, put in the basement carpet, did the laminate floors, or did any other house repair work, but related nonetheless) would come by in the AM to measure again at our house. This way, when they pulled the carpet out, they'd cut it at the other house and be able to come over and get to work.

Well, they never showed up (shockingly) and went straight to the other house. Then, they called to say they weren't coming to our house at all. Then, I got pissed and called the sales guy. He called back to wonder aloud why I was upset. After telling him that it was irrelevant why I was upset and that we had a problem, he said the Pepes would arrive at 3:00. Well, arrive they did.

In the end, we got carpeting, but what a fuck this all was. Since they didn't measure, they proceeded to spread all the carpet from my parent's house in the parking lot outside out house. Imagine if you will how that looked. Also, remember that I have lunatic neighbors.

Then, they pulled out all our carpet.

Then, after consulting with Miguel (and, yes, this is the same Miguel who lives in all Nextels worn by Pepes, whether the job be moving or flooring) they kinda told us the carpet wouldn't "work". Something about the direction of the rolls and how it had been laid and the size of the rooms. All I knew is that it wasn't looking good. In fact, it was looking like our room was going to resemble a carpeting quilt. I tried to call my mother, the alleged mastermind of this, and couldn't reach her. So, I bothered my father. He couldn't do a thing about this, but since he thinks this whole thing of them having a house they never intend to live in is so fucking ridiculous, I figured I'd pass along some of my stress. Finally, Pepe #1 was able to get across that the only problem would be that Shmuppie's room would run the other way than the other rooms. It's plain carpet so you can't tell. They got to work and made a hell of a racket. At one point, I had to take a big mirror off of a wall because I was told "When we put in carpet, things go Boom". I was happy to learn that.

But now we have new carpet and it's not all stained and worn out. It's quite nice. And, we got to go to the Farmer's Market and buy spinach and goat cheese. We had a harrowing ride back during which we hit every red light in Raleigh and I managed to get in s screaming match with an asshole from Georgia who didn't like how I yielded to him. That ended with me hocking a loogie on his car. Mature? I think so. JewelrySlut was none too happy at me after that. It got worse when I wanted to go to Best Buy. I nearly melted down in front of the portable hard drives. So, we went next door to Total Wine and bought $144 worth of wine. We also did some serious sampling and got a nice lunchtime buzz going. Good Times!

So, all was well. I also got to go buy a new jacket this weekend. Sometimes I try to dress like an adult. And, it was time for a new Fall/Spring jacket/coat. It was that or wear a zip up sweatshirt all week. I ended up with a nice black jacket from Old Navy. Like I said, I try, on occasion, to look like an adult. Even if I am prone to yelling and spitting at people. It happens. What can I say? The guy from GA was an asshole and I'm a little stressed out lately.

But, here I am again at the Residence Inn in North Wales, PA. And, boy am I happy to be here.

I was about to go and then I just depressed myself. I had a flatbread pizza for dinner from Pizzeria Uno or whatever they're called and it has nearly 700 calories in it.

Oh crap. That's a lot I think