2006-08-08 - 1:40 p.m.

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Stress. Do I have any? Well, I'd say yes. Maybe that's why my stomach is just now starting to get better after last week's adventures in toiletry.

Hmmm...so what's different today from yesterday? It's still hot as balls outside. Work is still a bane to my existence (only for a few more days though). We have a big trip coming up that I need to prepare for. Shmuppie's still going out of the country for a few days. Nope. That's all OK. It's probably not 100% OK, but not enough to ruin my colon. There must be something different about today. What could it be? (makes a chin-scratching face)

Wait! I think I know what it is.

It got on a plane yesterday. That's it. My stress flew home to NJ.

But there's a problem. My stress also bought a house this weekend. It's 8 miles up the road from us.

I think I'm going to develop an ulcer.

They close on something like September 8. They still haven't listed their house in NJ, but that's a minor detail.

Christ on a pony, this is going to be bad.

Until then, life rolls on. We're having a blast here at Casa NoGood. Shmuppie has decided to start peeing her pants again. So that's cool. I have a neighbor who claims that a tree came crashing through her bedroom window but only has a hole in the window the size of a dime to show for it. She's also threatening to sue whomever she can because of this. That's also sweet.

I just need a freakin vacation. That's what it boils down to. Actually, JewelrySlut needs one just as bad. I recently figured out that we've been going for a little over 2 years now. Since May of 2004, we've been through a lot. And, just when we thought it was slowing down, WAMMY, the parents are coming to town.

We did get to see 2 movies this weekend. We saw Clerks 2 on Thursday and Talladega Nights on Sunday. Wow. It's nice to see a movie in a real THEE-ater. Neither movie was all that great, but they were both funny. Clerks 2 had all the necessary jokes and didn't take itself too seriously. That was good. TN was amusing. Stupid but amusing. About what one would expect.

I guess we could look on the bright side of all this and see that we have a babysitter now. Or that we could go away on the weekend for a few nights of peace, but I'm not sure that balances the rest out. Shmuppie behaves like a wild animal when my mother is around. And, to make it gooder, my mother does everything possible to undermine our authority. Anything we say, she whispers a contradiction to Shmuppie. I told my father on the phone the other night that we have to separate the two of them because we can't handle it anymore. He thinks we're kidding. Not to mention that JewelrySlut and her are now going to totally be BFF. Mumsie has it all planned. Since their house is roughly the size of a warehouse, she has a lot of space to start her sewing business up in NC. Guess who gets to be her sewing bitch? All in all, a good UGH is in order.

Moving on: I just was bitterly disappointed that I can't go to Jost Van Dyke in 2 weeks. We have to settle for Virgin Gorda. Boo-hoo. We're taking a day trip with Limnos. and are apparently headed to VG. Should be cool. I really wanted to go to JVD though. But, what the hell am I complaining about anyway? The trip is forming up. I got my info package for our arrival. The house's owner is meeting us. That's fun because she has sagging boobs and doesn't wear a bra. Awesome. I can start my vacation by vomiting.

For all of you who forgot, it's my birfday in 2 days and I expect lots of lap dances and awesome presents.

And, thank you, Skidmark for the tax advice. I'm actually working for a company as a consultant, but we do need to change up how we save money and pay taxes. From what I gather, a potentially sweet rebate is headed our way next Spring.

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