2006-07-31 - 12:47 p.m.

The weekend was a lot if fun, but I still haven't recovered. I'm sick as 3 sick dogs. My colon is tired. My ass is burning. My tongue hurts. My throat is sore.

And, amazingly, there was no gay sex involved.

Saturday's flight to BWI went well. It's a very quick hop; all of 42 minutes in the air. I arrived and called my father who was supposed to be meeting me. Of course, I knew from about 9:30 that he would not be meeting me. He didn't leave nearly enough time to get from NJ to Baltimore on a summer Saturday. In fact, it's best if you leave NJ now to get there for this Saturday.

Me: Hey. I'm here. Where are you?
Dad: I'm just crossing the Delaware Memorial Bridge
Me: Wow. That's not good.
Dad: (hemming and hawing)
Me: I'll just go to the hotel. I'll get a cab or something. It's cool.

So, I took the Baltimore Light Rail. That's a step for me. No, I don't fear trains like I fear clowns, but I happen to know that my father-in-law designed its electrical system and that Quasi built some of the cars while he took a semester off from school. I had reason to be scared. But, I survived and trekked over to the hotel. It took me about an hour to get to the hotel and then I had about an hour to kill before Dear old Dad arrived. He wore the face of a weary driver who'd just driven from NJ to Baltimore. They're easy to identify; they look like Zombies.

We got cleaned up and walked over to Camden Yards. We've both wanted to get there since it opened, so it was a lot of fun. We grabbed a beer and some lunch out in the open concourse they have and watched some batting practice.

It was hot. Really hot. The game was nowhere near starting and we both were soaked through with sweat. Thankfully, our seats were in the shade.

Since we are awesome, we had Club-level seats. The best thing about the club level is that its concourse is enclosed AND air conditioned. We had good seats, down the 3rd base line a ways. Here's the view:

It was hot. And, the game was brutal. Too many pitches were thrown for my liking. The Orioles just suck nut and did not fail to disappoint. We left after the 7th inning because we needed to get changed for dinner. Have I mentioned the heat?

We met my brother and his crew and went to the harbor for dinner. I had picked out McCormick and Schmick's because I knew it was good. And it was. We had some drinks at the bar beforehand and I got to meet SecretAgentBrother's new girlfriend. She seems nice, but as I have mentioned, carries some baggage.

We got our table and had a great time eating and making a lot of noise. Fortunately, it was late and the place was emptying.

Did I mention that it was late? It's never wise for me to eat after 9:00. I'm like a Gremlin. Bad things happen when I eat anything after about 9:00. We finished dinner at 11:30.

I woke up yesterday and felt a little off. More dehydrated than anything else. I figured that a shower and some coffee would help me out. I'll point out here that I did NOT feel hungover at all. Just tired. I washed up and shat a few times.

We hit the road for Philadelphia and things were fine. We got up 95 a ways and I requested a stop at the next rest stop. I could feel a little rumbly in my tummy and just figured I needed to shit again.

WRONG!

Well, I proceeded to shit AND puke. YAY. I officially felt beyond crappy at this point. My stomach was in full revolt mode. It was very angry and was not afraid to tell me about it. And, because I can't make myself puke, it was an entirely unpleasant experience. We got back in the car and I said right off that we'd be stopping at the rest stop in Delaware because I knew I was not done. What I was hoping for was one more bathroom stop and then I'd be fine.

WRONG!

We spent about 1 1/2 hours at the rest stop. I was in the bathroom almost the whole time. Crapping, puking, washing, etc. It was unpleasant on many levels. And, it was hot. Oh shit, was it ever hot. I tried to drink a little juice and eat some crackers, but it was not meant to be. All the while, my father's on the phone with JewelrySlut seeing if they can get me on an earlier flight home. I'll give my father credit, time has mellowed him. Were this 20 years ago (and things like this did happen 20 years ago), I'd have been dead. But, he just let me sit in the air conditioned car and let the waves pass.

Finally, I knew I was done with projectile anything, and I convinced him that we should go to the game. As it was, there were no flights and the though of sitting at PHL all afternoon was not at all appealing. So, we drove up to the stadium and went in. We happened to be sitting about 4 rows over from when I was up there in May. So, that was fun.

I hate to say it, but they have themselves one hell of a ballpark
***Wait...I'll mention that as I wrote that last work, my belly rumbled. I tried to sneak out a little toot and nearly shit my pants. So, I'm now back from the bathroom, about 5 gallons lighter**
in Philadelphia. We had a good comparison in our minds. Camden Yards was the first of the new stadiums and you can see why it was so revolutionary when it opened. But, The Cit has it beat. Damn, it's just gorgeous. We'd been talking about the new stadium the Yankees are getting and while I do love The Stadium, they deserve to play in a place that nice.

The game, however, was not gorgeous. In fact, it sucked. Randy Wolf started the 1st inning for the Phils by throwing 40 pitches. If that means nothing to you, let me tell you that a good pitcher can throw 9 innings and do it in under 120 pitches. So, 40 for half an inning is NOT COOL! Especially when it's like 98 degrees out and you feel sick! NOT COOL I SAY!

We made it through 7 innings again and then I needed to get to the airport. The game was eternal. I was feeling a little less crappy at that point. I'll say that I was thrilled to be back at PHL. The flight was only 1 hour late, so I made it home a little after 8:00.

And, needless to say, I'm still sick this morning. Either this is the world's worst (and undeserved) hangover or I just ate too much too late at night. Either way, it sucks. We had a great time, but it would have been better were I not ill.

I also learned that SecretAgentBrother has a connection to get Ravens tickets. I think it's possible that I'll be flying to BWI again in the fall to catch a football game. And before I get accused of being all rich or something, the airfare is under $95 round trip. It would be $80 in gas alone to drive up. And, it's 2 1/2 measly hours from my home to downtown Baltimore. 6+ hours by car. You do the math. I love me some Southwest.

My father really had a good time and was very happy to be out of the house for a weekend. Even if we don't do the football game, we're planning out a tour of all the minor league parks in NC or plotting out other cities to hit for MLB games.

JewelrySlut is jealous. And, not in one of those ways that dumb women get jealous because I'm going away. More because she loves baseball and really wanted to come along for the games. We'll have to figure out who can watch Shmuppie for our next junket.

Now, I have just under 3 weeks to get my stomach in order and get ready for my next trip. I don't want to shit anymore. My poor asshole is rubbed raw. And, it's so fucking hot out. It's supposed to be over 100 this week with heat indices over 110. I tell you, folks, that's hot. Like, ball-stink hot.