Shhh�do you hear it? Better yet, do you not hear it? What you�re not hearing is the noise and rumble of houseguests. I�m back from RDU, having dropped ChurchBomber and MerlotMan off and JewelrySlut and Shmuppie are dropping Gramps off right now. Let me bask in the silence for a moment or 2.
Ahh�.
I feel like the cook in a mess hall by now. I�ve had it with the kitchen for a few days. Too many meals prepared.
Let me go back a few days to recap:
Tuesday:
Gramps arrived from Tampa, tired and ornery over having had to travel. I swear; if the man never had to go 10 miles from his house, he�d be happiest. His flight was fine, but I don�t think he enjoyed Southwest. But, he got in and I made, of all things, corned beef and cabbage for dinner. Next to Thanksgiving, that�s his 2nd favorite thing to eat. We wanted to treat the old man right. And..my left eye started itching. Later in the evening I noticed that the eye lid looked swollen. I took the only antihistamine we had in the house (a Claritin) and hoped for the best.
Wednesday:
Hmmm�interesting. The eye looks worse. So, I got out of bed in search for any store that would be open at 7:00 and dispensing Benadryl. The local CircleK did the trick. It not only knocked down the swelling, it also knocked me on my ass. I took a nice mid-morning nap. Later in the day, I went to the airport to pick up ChurchBomber and MerlotMan while JewelrySlut and Shmuppie took Gramps to Quasi�s house.
The eye was not doing well.
We all got home and spent the evening doing food prep and baking. I had stuffings to make and prep, a turkey to clean, sweet potato pudding to make, and generalized mayhem to attend to. JewelrySlut had the last of the pies and the cranberries. We wrapped up at around 9:45.
They eye was bugging me.
Thursday:
5:30AM: Oh shit. I can�t open my left eye.
6:30AM: I got up to pee and confirmed my fears. They eye had swollen shut. I woke JewelrySlut and announced that we were going to the ER. I needed to get this thing treated right away. I wanted to beat the crowds and get dinner cooking.
So, we drove off to the hospital. I waltzed in, half blind and wearing a UConn hoops shirt. Good thing to wear to a Duke University Hospital, I�ll add. The good thing was that it was empty. I was in triage in 1 minute and on my way to the back by the time JewelrySlut parked. By 7:30, we were back in the car. They poked me and looked for scratches on my eye. All they could figure was that I got bitten by something and it reacted. JewelrySlut thought it was possible that I had jalapeno juice on my hand and rubbed at my eye, making it mad. I was sent home with drops and a set of roids. I�m now officially huge.
We got home and I got the bird and the stuffing in the oven. Nobody knew we�d even left the house. I kept my kitchen-borne insanity to a minimum throughout the day. We sat down to eat a little after 3:15 (a little ahead of schedule), but all seemed well. The white meat on the turkey was a little on the dry side (it always is), but everything else was good.
The menu:
Turkey (22lbs)
JewelrySlut�s mother�s secret stuffing
Cornbread/jalapeno/sausage dressing
Mashed potatoes
Sweet potato pudding
Green beans (not the awful casserole either�simply and yummily prepared, thank you)
Gravy
Cranberry Sauce
For dessert:
2 apple pies
2 pumpkin pies
1 coconut custard pie
Brownies
Yes, we made way too much food for the 7 adults that we had. But, Gramps put back 2 heaping platefuls, and just about everyone else did too. The food and wine flowed.
I was only, I�d say, a 4 on the douchebag scale for the day. Not all that bad when you consider that I was swollen, had roid rage, was working in a new kitchen (a small galley-style one), and had Quasi in my house.
Friday:
Up and back in the kitchen. I had stock to make. Finally, almost 7 hours later, I had gumbo. In all honesty, this is all I care about�getting to the gumbo. Needless to say, by this time, I was exhausted. The ladies had spent the day down here watching TV and Merlot Man was watching football. Our 2 guests needed a break from life and wine and TV provided it for them I think. We ate, had more pie, and played poker until after midnight.
And..we drank Big Blue. Last Christmas, we�d been given a 3L bottle of Luna Di Luna Chardonnay/Pinot Grigio. We saved it for Friday night. Since MerlotMan does not drink white wine, it was up to me and the ladies to kill it. Ugh�it was like a forced march. There were 2 problems: the wine itself sucks, and that�s a lot of wine. Not even from a getting drunk state, but from a �that�s a lot of wine� state. But, I drank at least half of it and we now have a huge blue bottle in the house.
Saturday:
I only had to cook breakfast. That was good. The ladies went shopping and to the movies and MerlotMan, Shmuppie and I went to restock the wine rack. It�s quite full again, thanks to MerlotMan. We drive into Raleigh to see the big city and put Shmuppie down for a nap. More wine and football ensued. I managed to catch a nap later in the day. I needed about 5 hours to catch up, but � hour had to do. We went out to eat and then came home. I drank too much assorted liquor. I did not sleep at all.
Sunday:
Well, Gramps and the masses were coming back. So, I had to cook for the whole crew again. Yippie! I went easy on myself and made up a big batch of sauce. I cooed up some meats and made a bunch of rigatoni. Throw in salad and bread, and I was done. Come and get it, you jackals.
By last night, I was done. I could barely keep my eyes open and was looking forward to today. I can freely roam the house in my underpants and look forward to an evening of sweaty sex with the wife. That, or I�ll just go to bed at 8. One�s bound to happen.
But�that�s what the holidays are about. And if you insist, as we do, in going over the top, you�re going to be tired.
Now we have to face Christmas. My mother wants us to think about coming to NJ for New Year�s. TheItalian (story to follow eventually) and HotWife will be on this side of the pond and she�d like us all to get together. OK Mom, since I�m not driving to NJ, who�s paying the $700 in airfare required for such a trip? And where are we staying? Then, having just made his one trip of the year, Gramps is not sure he wants to come here for Christmas. So, we may be FLA-bound. I�ll say it from now. I will not enjoy that. We�d have to drive and I have only 1 day off from work. It�s 9-10 hours each way and we�d be doing it in 3 or 4 days total. Plus, his new house is small and we may not all fit without killing each other. I need to convince the man to come up here. I�ll buy his plane ticket and get him a car to drive to Tampa. Anything but 20 hours in the car. Not even the thought of a late-night trip to South of the Border intrigues me. Ugh� The Battle of the Holidays is the next challenge for us.
Otherwise, work remains dull. I need to get back to the Y soon or I may never be able to walk again. I�m beginning to fee like a beached whale after all the eating and my roid-induced hugeness.
Shmuppie had a good run with the potty. Only one little piddle last night. She�d been on the ball from Tuesday. Almost there.
Enjoy my eye:
Both images were taken after we got home and the swelling was down a bunch.