2005-09-21 - 8:35 a.m.

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9 years ago this morning, I woke up and puked. This morning, I managed to hold it in and simply got dressed.

Happy Anniversary, babe. I love you a whole lot of bunches and would never consider going through life with anyone else.

OK�have your fun wit that, you cretins.

We�re back home in lovely NC. Myrtle was fun. The hotel was right on the beach and we all managed to have a good time without killing each other. It was our first full-fledged family vacation and we passed our tests. Shmuppie�s still alive�albeit while shitting and pissing herself again. She fell off the wagon a wee bit this past week. She took a shine to wallowing in the sand for a while and then dropping a deuce. I must commend my lovely wife. She managed to change shitty diapers on the beach whilst in a tempest of wind and sand. Kudos to her.

I am so cheap it�s no longer funny. I can�t believe how little money we spent on this trip. It likely has something to with the fact that we at 1 meal per day. We�re all funny that way and it worked to our financial advantage. We decided that if we went to eat each day for a late lunch/early dinner, we could avoid any crowds and allow Shmuppie to take her time and actually eat. It worked. We did, however, manage to throw too much money towards Jimmy and his MegaCorporation. We ate at a Cheeseburger in Paradise Grill and a Margaritaville Caf�. We also did some damage in the Margaritaville store.

Quick reviews:
CBIP: Better than expected
Margaritaville: Not impressed at all

But, the beach was fun. Myrtle disappointed in one sense. As a result, we�re bound to go back. See, it was way less hideous than we�d expected. Sure, it was hideous in parts, but not as bad as expected. I�m sure that going out of season had a lot to do with it. We really liked it, despite the tackiness and overwhelming number of shitty shops that sell little blankets with smiling kitty cats on them. Who buys that shit? There weren�t even too many rednecks and yokels there. There were a lot of people from up in NJ and from Ohio. Why, if you live in NJ (a state with 120 or so miles of coastline) would you choose to drive 700 miles to another state�s beaches? I�m just asking as all�

The weather was great. We drive through the hurricane�s outer bands on the way down, but had nothing but sun while down there. I�m sunburned and I look like a tiger. Because I�m getting fat, I got striped sunburn on my fleshy underbelly. I guess where it decides to roll stayed out of the sun. It�s quite amusing. If I didn�t think it would blind you all, I�d take a picture.

We also got to see South of the Border. Wow. That was so bad and awful that it actually disappointed. It was not at all awful in a good way. It was awful in a depressing and smelly way. It was empty and just had an odor that resembled Pine Sol mixed with piss. Not good. We did enjoy the signs though. They make the drive pass quicker.

So, now I�m back here and have to board a plane on Sunday night to go back to NJ. I�ll be up there until Tuesday night. 2 days of fun in the Garden State. I can hardly wait. I have to go meet with our takeover vendors to ask them what the fuck their proposals meant. Never in my live have I seen so much paper used to say so little. It seems that both of them just ignored everything I gave them and said and just did whatever the hell they wanted. I asked in a meeting yesterday what happens if neither vendor proposes a working solution and was told that the print operation may just be dropped from the whole corporate-wide thing. Wha? That would be fun. I have visions of me standing in our print room at 12:01AM on January 1, 2006, having to run machines. That would be bad. The trip should be a hoot. I�m staying in a different hotel. I hope they provide complimentary hookers.

I have to stay up late tomorrow. I�m not prepared to do so, but it�s for a good cause. I need to be on the phone with Delta at the stroke of midnight so I can book our flight for next summer to St Thomas. Yup�we�re headed back to St John. Since the hot flights book immediately when you�re cashing in points, I need to call as soon as I can. So, Friday is exactly 330 days from our departure date. Then, I get to book the house and start obsessing about the St John trip. That�s good because if I�m not obsessing about a vacation, I�m not right. I�ll have to start watching fares for ChurchBomber and MerlotMan so I can get them a good price. We also have to figure out what we�re doing with Shmuppie. She�s not going with us. This is one last adults only vacation. JewelrySlut is hoping to woo me into impregnating her on the trip, so we need our privacy and such. Really, we just don�t want to be bothered with a kid down there. They can be a bit buzzkillish from time to time.

So, I missed my last porn offer so nobody gets the nudie playing cards. But, I have a new offer:

We have a XXX Sexual Feast containing all sorts of sexy sexiness.
We have something called the Strawberry Lips Masturbator
We have Strawberry Lube

Who�s in?

Well, I should probably get back to work soon. I hear noises from upstairs so I guess the family is awake. I�d love to say that I have something special planned for tonight, but we�re probably just going to our Mexican restaurant. No babysitter makes it difficult to go out anyplace nice. Eventually we�ll find someone responsible enough.

Until then, I just want one more opportunity to stand on a hill, or burm or other elevated land mass and tell the world how much I love my wife and how much life and everything would utterly suck had fate not brought us together.

I love my girl.

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