This shit in New Orleans is really bad, isn�t it? Jesus� Then again, who built a city that�s under water? This has been coming for a while now, hasn�t it?
Not to be crass, but I guess I can cross NOLA off my list of places to go for 20 years or so.
Gas prices are scary. We�re about to hit $3.00/gallon here in Raleigh. I can�t be more thankful for my stay-at-home job. It�s now over $40 to fill my tank. Were we in NJ, we�d be at over $500/month in gas alone. Shit. We got out just in time. It�s gotten to the point that I�m now making sure to budget for gas on our trip to Myrtle Beach. It�s going to be a tank and a half to 2 tanks. That�s $80 at least. All for 400 miles of driving! It�s getting to the point where it�s cheaper to fly everywhere�if you fly Southwest.
I�m most concerned about the long term gas prices. I get the feeling that, say in a year or so, when NOLA and the gulf are working and maybe we have finally nuked the Middle East and taken all the oil, we�ll still be paying $4.00/gallon. The gas companies will know that we�re used to it and not lower prices. The days of even $2.00/gallon gas are over I think.
On an aside�HA HA to all you fools who bought gas guzzling SUVS and trucks that you didn�t need but just HAD to have because Becka and Heather had them. HA HA HA HA HA. Me, I�ll drive my car. I�d love to think that hybrids may actually start being useful in light of this gas mess. I want my next car to be one, but they don�t make big enough models yet. I�m no environmentalist or anything; I just don�t want to pay for gas. Simple as that.
I had an idea after I finished writing and just ran out. I figured that a half tank of gas at today�s price would be better than a full tank 2 weeks from now, right? I just paid $3.19/gallon. Holy shit. Stations here are running out of gas because people are buying before prices get higher. 8+ gallons for $27 and change. This is really bad. I still don�t feel bad for people who drive SUVs when they have no need whatsoever for them. I feel bad for working people who need to drive to get to work and can�t afford to do so anymore. To make matters worse, suburban America isn�t designed to be walked to. Shopping is set off by itself in un-walkable places� By the way�amend my first paragraph for the new prices�Ugh
Off my soap box now
On to lighter issues�
Until this summer, I�d never given the physics of urination much thought. As a boy, I have a penis. It�s a wonderful tool when it comes to peeing. You can aim it and spray wherever the hell you want. It�s also very convenient for when you need to pee and there ain�t no pottys around. Just whip it out and pee. For you ladies, you don�t have penises, right? Not that I have carnal knowledge of a lot of women, but from what I�ve seen, no penis. Peeing seems to be an adventure. I know this because we�re still hawking Shmuppie to get potty trained. We sit in the bathroom with her while she pees. (Still no shitting on the potty). I never realized that you don�t have a lot of aiming available. It�s more of a positioning thing. While I can stand across the room and hit my target, you ladies pretty much need to be right above the target area. Interesting.
I mention this because last night, we had an adventure in peeing. When we went upstairs to go to bed, we got Shmuppie up to pee. We don�t like waking her, but she needs all the help she can get. We got her out of her PJ�s and sat her down. Well, I guess the alignment was off. Next thing we knew, she was spraying piss all over the place. Piss on the floor, the bathmat, the walls, the side of the tub, Mommy, etc. I was amazed. I didn�t know that A: She had it in her and B: there was so much involved in lining things up.
I�m just saying.
Onto something else�Back in January or whenever, HealthCareRelatedCompany donated a gazillion doses of assorted drugs to the Tsunami people. So far, not a fucking peep out of for Katrina-related relief. And, we do love to toot our own horns on our intranet site, so we may be backing off for now. Here�s my opinion why: PipPop and TrangBang from Sumatra don�t mean anything to HealthCareRelatedCompany. They�re not members and don�t pay us anything. We can give them shit and it doesn�t impact us. However, folks in the South�well�a lot of them are members. Why give them shit when we can charge them for it? Now, I may be jumping to conclusions and promise to post right here if the company does anything disaster-related, but I have a sick feeling about this one.
Speaking of my lovely company�
I�d wager that at least a few of you have figured out where I work. Keep it to yourselves. As we know, I�m in a HealthCareRelated industry. Well, I am getting royally fucked over by our own processes. Before we moved, we used JewelrySlut�s insurance from LittleBlueBoxCompany. When she quit, we moved to my plan. We kept all the same insurance companies, including HealthCareRelatedCompany as one of our insurers. Only thing is�her plan kicks the shit out of my plan. We�re screwing over our own people! A couple of weeks ago, JewelrySlut needed to fill a prescription for Shmuppie. We were denied coverage. So, we paid out of pocket. I went insane and called our own customer service area up and started ranting. It seems that we were lost in the system because we moved shortly after joining. I finally got us properly enrolled. In doing so, I exposed some MAJOR flaws in the operation where I work and am raising hell over that. Then, we tried to submit a claim for the expense. It was only $10, but it was the principle of it AND the check and letter would come out of my shop. I thought that would be cool. So, naturally, we were denied the claim. Seems we should have mailed the prescription in and not gone to the pharmacy. I told the person on the phone that I didn�t know that because we�d bungled my coverage and I had no way of knowing what the rules were. She told me, essentially, �Too bad. Mail it in next time�
Way wrong answer, lady.
I now have a HR manager and the actual internal Account Management Team for our in-house account on the hunt. I swear; I�m taking this to the top of the Ivory Tower if I have to. This is (to quote from Anchorman) Re-Goddamn-diculous. Essentially, we, as a company, were incompetent and I have to pay for it. Look, it�s only $10, so I don�t care. I�m more concerned about you folks out there in readerland. At least 25% of you are covered by us. If I�m getting fucked this bad, I can only imagine what happens to you all. I�m actually fighting this fight for you guys.
You can thank me later.
OK�
One more thing and then I promise to shut the fuck up.
I�m offering up 2 gifts to people. Actually, they�re not gifts because I expect something in return.
Here�s the deal. You send me something, I send you something.
Here�s what I offer:
A 3+ hour VHS tape of porn. The grand finale is a scene fro Paris Hilton�s video where whatshisname pops off all over her chest and face. To quote her, �It�s Hot�
A book that details assorted bizarre sexual positions. Some look really complicated.
Like: Man on bottom. Woman on top, facing away from man. Man stands up. Woman is now in the same position as she was, but now she�s up in the air. I think her legs, wrapping around his, and his dick are holding her up. The kinesiological impact of this position is astounding. There are big center of balance issues at hand. We�re not trying it.
The other good one is like this. We�ll start the same way as above. This time, man stands up and woman kinda spins on his dick. Her head is now down towards the floor. She then �stands� on her shoulders and tilts her head, resting on her neck. I�ll let you all try to digest that one for a while. It comes with a warning that it may be very uncomfortable for the woman. Fuck that! The bitch should do what I want!
So, send me something and I�ll send you something.
Why do we have these? Well, the dick pan has arrived. In order to get reduced shipping and the free porn tape (was supposed to have been a DVD), I needed like $4 on the end of the order. It was either the book or crotchless panties. I went with the book.
So, the cake is getting made soon. Possibly this weekend. Don�t worry, plenty of photos will be taken. I also want to make Jell-o in the pan. Imagine a dick-shaped Jell-o mold.
AWESOME!