My parents brought me home from the hospital here.

Lodi, NJ. It stands for Land Of Dumb Italians. No, I mean it. Let�s conduct an exercise:
I�m going to say something. You get an image in your head.
Ready?

Jeresy Girl

See her? She lives in every house in Lodi. It�s a shit hole. It was bad in the mid to late 70�s, but now it�s all but a slum.

So, in the late 70�s my father got transferred here:

Concord, CA. It�s outside San Francisco. We lived there for a little under 3 years. Concord is where I fell in love for the first time. Her name was Amy and she gave me my first kiss. SecretAgentBrother was born in California. Explains a few things.

In March of 1981, we moved back east and landed here:

Basking Ridge, NJ. We bought the house, I believe, for under $150000. Last fall, it was for sale, so we went to the open house (We had one the same day). It was selling for almost $900,000. The pool was not there when we lived thee. It�s also had the back blown out to add a huge kitchen. We lived there from when I was in 1st grade until December of 8th grade. 7 � years there.

We moved here because my mother was restless:

Another house in Basking Ridge. This is, by far, the largest house I have ever lived in and will ever live in. Again, the pool was not there when it was ours. This was a big ass house. That piece that sticks out on the far right�a 2-story library. Yup�a huge house. This was my address until I got married. It�s the longest I�ve ever had one address, but I only really lived there for a little under 5 years. Once I left for school, I pretty much left.

I went to high school here:

The Pingry School. Yup�I went to private school. I was surrounded by opulence. That�s the entire campus. The place is huge. The far end of the left wing, under the white rectangle, is where I spent a lot of time�it�s the pool. There, I became Big Fish in a Tiny Pool (pardon the pun), hence inflating my ego. I went there from 7th grade through high school.

After graduating, I took a life guarding job here:

Looks like an estate, yes? It is. At the time, it was a school. Actually, it was the Lower Campus of Gill St. Bernard�s School. I happened to go there for 5th and 6th grades. The pool is in the upper left area of the picture. While working there, I met a VooDoo woman who seduced me. It�s since been bought and converted back into a private house.

She lived here:

They had a pool. We had sex in it.

A little over 4 years after meeting, we went here on September 21, 1996.

We got hitched at Our Lady of the Mountain in Schooley�s Mountain, NJ. On September 22, 1995, we went here.

Disney�s Polynesian Resort. We honeymooned in Disney.

After the trip, we returned here:

JewelrySlut�s apartment became our home. What a raging shit hole this place was. I don�t know how she managed to live there for nearly 4 years. I lasted almost 2. By 1998, we�d decided that we wanted to be poor. So we bought:

Our first house. We lived here for just over 7 years. I lived here longer than at any other address. It wasn�t awesome, but it was home. We brought Shmuppie home to this house. This house may have ensured our future. We sold it and I cried like a baby as I stared into it as we left. There are a lot of memories in that house.

So, we packed up and came here.

We�re the 2nd unit from the left. Shmuppie�s personal toilet is behind us. We�ll be here for all of next year. Then, we�ll decide to be poor again and buy a big house. This place is just fine for now. No bills, no worries. We like it.

Of course, I�d rather be here

�You pick the century and I�ll pick the spot�

I pick this spot.