Before I get into below�s activity, Stolen from PeterPeter, I need to do the following:
I owe WarCryGirl�s an apology. She knows why. I confuse easily and didn�t mean to cause any undo stress to you and the family.
It�s been a rough 24 hours here at the NoGoodHouse.
We moved the living room couch downstairs yesterday. It needed to be flipped and negotiated out the front door. I then had to load it onto the wheel barrow to go down the hill to the back of the house. Then, we had to wrestle it into the basement and into the office. Now that it�s done, there is NOTHING better than attending conference calls while lying on a couch.
I went to get the new one and we wrestled it in the house. It�s quite comfy and it was cheap. We�re happy
To those who have met Shmuppie, I hope you liked her. To those who wanted to, too bad.
We�re killing her today.
To say that potty training is going poorly is like saying the Challenger had problems with its launch. We�re really trying, but she�s smart enough to know what she�s doing.
For example:
Last night, we gave her some juice with dinner. As we were eating, we suggested a potty break. She went and peed. That was good. 10 minutes later, she announced that she needed to pee again. She did. That was good. Then, 5 minutes later, she announced that she needed to poop. This is big news. Getting her to poop on the potty is a big thing. She�s yet to do it. So, JewelrySlut takes her to the bathroom and gets her pants off. Before the diaper can come down, she grunted and shat. Right there next to the toilet. She knew exactly what she was up to. Needless to say, I went insane. I dragged her upstairs, changed her, bathed her and sent her to apologize to Mommy. She�s such a willful little pain in the ass.
We are officially accepting all suggestions. Even if they come from DK or any of my other kid-less readers. Whatever you suggest can not be too outrageous. We need help.
Yesterday, JewelrySlut bought fresh tortillas at the supermarket. They were made with black bean salsa and CUMIN. Holy shit. This AND Google Earth all in one week?
What�s next?
Ok.. On to this thing. As an aside, fuck you to everyone for not including me in your game. I officially hate you all.
10 years ago:
I was starting my senior year at Rutgers. I had no desire to be in school. I was engaged, the date was set, and my fianc� lived 10 minutes away. School was low on my list. I think I took 19 credits that semester and worked like 15 hours a week. I wasn�t exactly doing the whole college thing. I had to be up at or before 6:00 every morning and was living off campus in residential apartment complex with my roommate, Amy. I spent 3 or 4 nights a week at JewelrySlut�s apartment. I knew I had a useless degree coming in May (Exercise Science?!?!?). I didn�t want to go to grad school. I wanted to be done and get married. And, above all else, Rutgers is the worst school on Earth. It�s a fucking pit.
5 years ago:
Oh, this was good times. If when I say good times I mean the worst times ever, then it was good times. Better times were just a week away, but I really didn�t know that yet.
I spent the summer of 2000 in a horrible job and in the middle of a corporate lawsuit. Me and the company I was working for were being sued by my last employer. They claimed I stole secrets and did all kinds of bad things. I was working in printing sales for a Chicago-based company and was horrible at it. I had no support or guidance. Plus, the lawsuit really hindered what I could do and who I could see. Over the course of the summer, I ate up nearly all of our meager savings on legal bills. I was as close to depressed as I think I�ve ever been.
JewelrySlut earned her stripes that summer. She was a rock. I was a quivering mess, prone to fits of sobbing at the drop of a hat. I don�t know how or why she put up with me that summer. But, I thank her all the time for doing so.
However, I was less than a week away from getting a new job. I actually accepted the job while standing in Disney�s Animal Kingdom. We�d had a planned vacation on the books all year. It came at the perfect time. From right after Labor Day on, things got much better. I did eventually have to go testify in Federal Court about the case, but it was a joke. The prosecuting attorney forgot the names of the companies involved. It was a joke.
About 6 months later, the sue-ers went out of business, having spent all their money on the case. The Sue-es folded a year later, having spent all their money on the case.
However, it all led me to Raleigh. If I had to go through it to get here, I guess it was worth it.
1 year ago:
The seeds of our move were not yet planted, but were in their little packet, lying on the counter top. I think neither of us were ready to say it out loud, but we knew our time in NJ was closing. I, as usual, hated my job. The summer, other than the week in St John, had been a horrible mess. We�d been through my parent�s non-divorce and the passing of JewelrySlut�s mother. The trip to St John in Mid-August was a perfect tonic for us. But, at this point, we were back in NJ, getting ready to face the Fall traffic. It turned out to be the final straw.
Yesterday:
I don�t know�I woke up, came down here, surfed the internet, moved furniture, ate some food, had conference calls, drank some vodka�a typical day in Raleigh. I�d tell you how much I love it here, but Pimp has threatened to kill me if I do so.
5 snacks I enjoy the most:
Fruit
Rum
Fruit mixed with Rum
Wine
Chips
5 songs I know all the words to:
The Wino and I Know � Jimmy Buffett
Your Smiling Face � James Taylor (our song..and a bitch to dance to)
Jolly Mon � Jimmy Buffett (Shmuppie�s favorite song)
Most Billy Joel Songs
If I had $1,000,000 - BNL
5 things I would do with 100 million dollars:
Pay off the debts of us and family (included are immediate family and that of ChurchBomber. She be fambly now)
Buy houses here in NC, near Orlando and on St John. (Can�t live down island. Shmuppie needs to go to a real school)
Buy ChurchBomber and MerlotMan a house on St John�or just make ours so fucking huge that we could all fit with room to spare. I�d invite all you retards down too
Learn to fly and buy the The Hemisphere Dancer
so I can fly all you retards down to St John
Buy a big ass boat so I can sail/motor around the Virgin Islands
5 places ideal for running away to:
St John
Any other place in the Virgin Islands
Nebraska (I get the feeling there�s a lot of space there)
A good book
BED
5 items you�ll never see me wear:
Fishnet stockings
Clogs
Low-rise jeans
A tank top
A Speedo � spent enough time in one while in Highschool
5 best TV shows:
Family Guy
West Wing
Rescue Me
Lost
Sportscenter
5 biggest joys in life:
JewelrySlut
Shmuppie
Gumbo
JewelrySlut
Shmuppie
5 favorite toys:
JewelrySlut
GoogleEarth
My cheapo digital camera
Fantasy Football (is that a toy?)
Shmuppie � Not like that you pervs. Nothing beats playing with your kid�I said not like that, you pervs
Hope you liked it.
I think I�m going to assemble a scrap book of my life to post, all based on images pulled from Google Earth
I like Google Earth so much that I�ll say it a few times
Google Earth
Google Earth
Google Earth