Let�s recap:
The mundane and hopefully amusing:
I spent all of the week before last back in NJ for work. HealthCareRelatedCompany can�t function without me, so I was dragged back, kicking and screaming, on to a 6:00AM flight from RDU to EWR. Folks, it�s not good when you arrive in Newark at 7:15. You know your week will suck ass.
I�ve traveled for work before, but never to work. I had worked in sales and did the whole tradeshow thing where you stand around for 5 hours and then retire to a bar to get faced. This was not that. I was in the office a little after 7 and out by around 7. I had meetings at different locations, I had vendors to schmooze, and I had too much work to do. I did not enjoy myself at all.
I did get an upgrade at the hotel though. I was at an Embassy Suites and because my wired internet wasn�t working, I got to go to the 5th floor. You need to put your key in the elevator to get access. Not only did I get 2 fluffy robes to wear, but I got a hooker to kill! That was awesome. I strangled her so I could watch the flicker of life leave her eyes. I liked it, I�ll admit. I was saddened the following night when a fresh hooker was not supplied. Nowhere in the room did it tell me that I only got one for the visit. I was pissed. See, had I known, Monday would have been �Hit with a bat� night, Tuesday �Burn with matches� and so on, culminating with �Death by strangulation� on Thursday. My loss I guess. When not at work, I was crashing at ChurchBomber and MerlotMan�s house. I needed to use their freezer. I had to buy meat for JewelrySlut. $80 worth of sausages to be exact. Yummy.
My flight on Friday was canceled. But, I got moved up by 2 hours. So I flew out of work to get to EWR to have the flight eventually leave at the same time as the first flight. Like I didn�t know that was going to happen.
I got home late on Friday night and spent the weekend at home. NJ is not home anymore. I do not like it there. I do not like traffic and congestion. Give me land lots of land lots of open skies above�
Monday morning�back to RDU. We landed at EWR and our gate was not ready so we got to sit on the flying soda can we were on for an hour until they were ready for us� Back to the office for another long ass day of vendor schmoozing and work. Tuesday was more of the same, but at least I got to go home at the end.
I spent the rest of last week in a daze. I had no idea who I was, where I was or what day it was. That I made it to today is a miracle.
The morning after I got home, I got to go back to RDU, to drop off my brother in law, wife and son because they�re visiting family on Long Island. Here�s how cheap he is: he made me get up and went out of his way to come here to save $6/day. We�re also watching their dog. Their 100lb black lab. The stupidest dog ever.
Now, I hate this god and have for a while. See, when Lexie was a few months old the 2 of we had Thanksgiving at our house. My in-laws were there too. The 2 morons from NC brought their dog up. Now, the 2 of them are bad enough houseguests�with the laundry all over the place and general non-mannerly behavior. They brought this totally undisciplined puppy who tore up our house and nearly ruined the weekend. I spent the weekend, cleaning up after the dog and vowed that she�s never visit me again.
Here she is. This dog is a fuck. Labs are smart, aren�t they? At age 7, this one doesn�t even know its name. This is a waste of dog. She�s huge and stupid. She�s fat and lazy. I hate this dog. Plus, she terrifies the cats and Shmuppie. So, all is not well here. 2 hours into this all I was cursing the dog at every chance. JewelrySlut was all��Oh. Stop. She�s sweet. She doesn�t know any better�. Fast forward 2 days �Stupid fucking dog�
Stupid Fucking Dog indeed.
Only 2 more days until they get back. Then we can hire a carpet cleaner to come in and un-do what the dog did. Drool everywhere.
It was 106 the other day. 106 is hot.
Hot.
Now to the less mundane and not so amusing:
My parents are doing their annual �Should we get divorced?� dance again. I told them this year that they�d done all they could last summer to hurt me and that I no longer let them upset me. Nice, eh?
When I was in NJ, I saw my father one night. My mother was in DC hanging drapes in my brother�s apartment? Why? Because she wanted to, that�s why. He had no desire to get new drapes or to see her, but she was undaunted and drove down with a friend to spend the night. I felt for him�only so much.
So last week, my mother had a relatively routine procedure done down there. Nothing major, but she was sick and needed to go see a real doctor to have this taken care of. She�d been seeing the same Dr for years and I�m convinced he just told her what she wanted to hear and sent her on her way, never treating her, just responding to the latest symptom. I called that evening, and it was like trying to make small talk with a rock. She won�t talk about her marital woes with her kids, so we have to get our information from our father, who is trying very hard to be unbiased in all of this. It�s frustrating. I, JewelrySlut and she also have our own set of issues. Namely, when JewelrySlut�s mother was dying last summer, my mother never lifted a finger to call or offer support or anything. From a parental standpoint, she failed miserably.
Now it�s a year later. After the other night, I emailed my brother to get his feel for things. I really happen to think that my mother�s more than a little off in her head. She�s not quite living in a fantasy world, but isn�t totally on this planet. He tells me that she�s upset with me. I email my father and he echoes the sentiment. So, she�s mad at us down here but won�t say it. On Saturday, we had a message on the machine from my father asking me to call her. I went crazy.
I called her and went right on the attack asking her what exactly the fucking problem is that she has with us. She denied anything was wrong. So, I quoted from an email from my father. She went insane, called him on her cell, yelled at him and then went back to yelling at me. After a while, I got out of her that she�s �emotionally detached� from me and my family. I asked why that was so, and was told that my life is none of her business. I asked what made her think so and she said my father told her it was. After a few rounds of �Why don�t you grow a set and act like an adult and a parent?� we were back to square 1.
I also told her that she failed her daughter-in-law and that there�s a lot of work to do there. I had to explain to my mother what a parent needs to be: Always there for their children�no matter what. It�s in the handbook that they kindly don�t give you when you have kids. You are always there for your kids, whether they�re 3 or 30. It makes no difference. My mother says that she and JewelrySlut don�t need to be friends; that people have different personalities. The only problem is that they used to be tight�until Shmuppie came around. Then, my mother got in her head that JewelrySlut was ruling over me and was trying to keep me and Shmuppie away from my family. Needless to say, it�s A: not true, B: very confusing.
We went on and on for a while about this and that and how I can�t know that I�m upsetting her unless she tells me that I am. How can I know that acting a certain way upsets her unless she tells me? She won�t tell me because it�s apparently none of her business. Around and around we go.
Remember a while back, I got an email from my father saying that she had ideas on how to make our home sale easier? I confronted her on that. Yes, she had ideas, but didn�t want to share them unless asked first. Again, offering an opinion was none of her business. So, it ended up taking 8 unhappy months to get moved. All the while, JewelrySlut and I knew that she thought we were crazy to move. We tried to talk to her about it, but she wanted no part of it. Again, not her business.
Than, there�s her health. This is the only part where maybe I went too far. She�s waiting for a biopsy result. She told me that maybe if it�s bad news, she won�t do anything about it because she�s had enough and is tired. Well, I fucking exploded. I went insane and screamed �Fuck you. Fuck you because you don�t get to make that decision. Fuck you because if you asked my mother in law right now if she�d rather be alive or dead, she�d choose alive. Fuck you because there are a lot of people better than you who died and never had a chance to get better or had a choice. Fuck you because my father-in-law lives alone. Fuck you for saying such a thing.�
I followed up with �Mom, you need help. A lot of help. People don�t say that. You need to see a shrink�
�I�m not depressed. Only depressed people see shrinks�
�How the hell do you know? When did you go to med school? Mom, get some help. You are an addict. You treat your misery with your crazy sewing business. Some people do drugs, you work. You�re not treating your problems, you�re hiding from them�
Mind you, I�m telling my MOTHER this. Not a friend or a younger sibling�my MOTHER.
Needless to say, it was not fun.
I don�t know where she and my father are going. He�s tired of it all and wants her to be well and relatively happy. She says there is no problem and doesn�t want to have to lose her big house in NJ. It�s bad. Nothing good can come from this. I�ve told my father to figure out how much $$ he needs and write himself a check and get out. It�s sad to say so after 33 years of marriage, but what they�re doing now is a mess. He needs to know what he needs and just get out. It�s bad for him because he�s trying to hold my mother and her 2 kids together. He sees how close me and my brother are to just writing her off and it kills her. At the same time, she won�t admit to any problems. He�s truly stuck
The only good to come from this is that he and I are reconnecting. We�ve been getting farther apart since I was 14. But, we�re closing back in. He�s so happy for us and our move. He understands why we did it and how good of a thing it is. We�re getting back together and I�m very grateful for that. It�s always nice to have a parent to lean on. I�ve got one again.
OK�I�ll be more funny next time. I just learned that I don�t have to go to NJ next week. I�m thrilled about that.
All I have to do now is plan our September trip to Myrtle Beach. I never wanted to go there, but it will be after the rush and the hotels are dirt cheap. 5 days of pools, beaches, my girls and beer by the gallon will do me a lot of good.