Quandary: Here�s one that we think we�re about to face:
Whoops, I got distracted by something shiny...
I�ll get to the quandary soon. Let�s talk about our nice little weekend.
Saturday brought horrid weather. The sun never rose and there was constant rain and fog. It sucked ass. However, I�d decided that we were going out to a museum. Nothing fancy. (remember my thoughts on taking kids places where they don�t belong) Just the Morris Museum in Morristown NJ. I hadn�t been in like 20 years, so it was fun to see it again. I kept having those �Jesus, was it always this small?� moments. I have a thing for taking JewelrySlut to places from my youth and having them disappoint. Ask her about our trip to Kennedy Space Center while we were on our honeymoon. But, as usual, I digress. The museum was fun. It�s small, so there�s not too much to have to do. Shmuppie liked the dinosaurs. They�re really lame though. They have models of a Pteradactyl and a Stegosausus. (And I�m not even spellchecking those bitches). They also have a T-Rex skull�model. All in all, very lame. But, Shmuppie likes running back and forth making her open mouth sound and yelling �Oh Look!� They also have a model train town. She loved the trains. More of the mouth and �Oh Look.� We had to take 2 trips to the train room. They also had some 3-D exhibit. I was sucked in by those stupid Magic Eye posters. I kept staring at them�and staring at them�and staring at them. No.Thing. Finally, I yelled out �It�s a Schooner, dumbass� and wandered off. (1-point for the correct movie) We saw some stuffed animals and let her roam around the children�s room for a while. She had a really good time. The museum was mostly empty, so she was able to roam and run and yell and have fun. We also verified that we�re not taking her into NYC for any of those museums any time soon.
After the museum, we grabbed something to eat. We went to a Friendly�s. Not a good idea. Do you have Friendly�s where you live? If not, let me describe one: It�s not quite fast food, not quite sit-down, but it comes with a slice of cantaloupe at the end (2 points for that one). They�re always filthy and the service always sucks. The Hershey folks must clone the bad server people to work everywhere. Shmuppie did enjoy her mac�n�cheese and French fries. We split some Munchie Madness appetizer shit. There was something that was supposed to have been a chicken quesadilla (Pronounced que-se-dilla (1.5 points)). It tasted like green lollipop. I summed it up as �brutal�. It was bad. How do you make chicken taste like green lollipop? It seems almost impossible.
We went home, put the kid down for a nap and thought it was a good idea. So, we all slept. I made some wicked stuffed pork chops and mashed potatoes for dinner. They were really good. I used a spinach stuffing that I had made once before. Mmmm� We chased them with some wine and champagne. That was nice.
I decided something while driving out to Morristown. It was raining and 80 was humping along at way too high a rate of speed. People were doing all of the things that piss me off: driving slowly in the left lane, changing lanes with no signal, randomly braking, etc. I decided that you should have to take your drivers test under those conditions. Parallel parking in a parking lot is worthless. Let�s see how you do while driving on a highway on a rainy Saturday. That�s a test. If it were up to me, I�d pull licenses of half the drivers. There is no excuse for changing lanes without looking. Especially at 75mph. That�s not cool and it makes me yell. I had some asshole in a BMW just merge into me at one point. He, of course, was on his phone and was doing anything and everything but paying attention. Ugh�I hate driving in New Jersey.
Oh, I forgot something from Friday. We rented Saw. Holy Hell, what a pile of shit. Wesley from The Princess Bride put forth possibly the worst acting performance ever. He was so bad, he sounded like Will Ferrell in Anchorman. That was a good movie, and he was over the top for a reason. But, while being held hostage, your performance should not make the viewers wait for you to yell �Great Odin�s Raven!�
Yesterday was a typical Sunday of food shopping and laundry�and another nap. We did a lot of napping this weekend. The sun popped out for a little while so we ran Shmuppie around in the driveway for a while. She was fascinated by the sandy gravel. We just bought her a 32-foot tunnel and she wants to play with dirt. Great. I must have taken 100 jump shots out in the driveway and maybe made 10. I am the World�s Worst Basketball Player. Ever. God, I�m awful.
By the way, the tunnels arrived and they�re wicked awesome. I opened it up and one of the segments nearly killed me. There�s a reason why they want you to open them away from your body.
OK�on to the quandary. On Saturday when we got home, there was a message form a realtor. She had called at 2:30 and wanted to come by and show the house at 5. It was 4:00 when we got home. I called her to say that we weren�t going to be able to let them in the house. I don�t think she�d ever been told that before. Usually sellers like to let people in their house. We�ve become abnormal sellers. I called our agent�s manager again late last week and asked just to put this think out of its misery. The contract�s up n the 8th and we�re sick of this. We want our house back. As usual, the woman ignored us. The Ninny called us to say that the manager wouldn�t cancel the contract and that we�d have to stick it out. Thanks. We�ve only asked you to do this 3 times now. Could you cut us a wee bit of slack? We�ve made up our mind that we�re not letting The Ninny get a penny from us. Let the contract end and then we�ll try on our own. AND�the house behind us is for sale now. It seems that we got the whole neighborhood going. 2 houses on our street have listed and sold while we�ve sat still. Now 2 others are up for sale. We�re not happy.
So, I�m downstairs frumping and the phone rings. It�s that agent again. She wants the people to come by this evening for one last look and then they�re placing a bid. A bid? Asphinctersayswhat?
I don�t have a lot of confidence that the bid will be acceptable. What I want to do is grab the buyers and pass them a note saying �That bid�s too low. Come back on the 9th when the agents are gone and we have a deal. I�ll even knock another 5 G�s off your offer.� But, let�s say it is acceptable. We don�t want this agent or her office to get one penny from us. But, we also don�t want to be here anymore. It�s way stubborn and immature to stall the process out of spite. I�d love to do it, but don�t know if I can drag myself to do it. We hate our agent and the office. This is not good. Also, unfortunately, the buyer�s agent is from the same office. If they were from another agency, I�d grab her tonight and tell her to wait until the 9th and we�d sign with her on the spot and do the deal. This could be our only chance to sell the house, but, dammit, I don�t want that woman to see any money from me. I get the feeling it�s going to be time to take a dose of maturity and just deal with it.
After hearing this, I hopped on Realtor.com. and was reminded of why we want to move to NC. Then I looked at jobs, especially those for JewelrySlut and was re-reminded. Jesus, there�s NOTHING up here in NJ that makes it worth staying. The housing is cheap by comparison and the job market�s good. There is the whole redneck/NASCAR/yokel thing, but I think we can deal with it. Raleigh�s chock full of pissy northerners, so things may not be that bad. On the bright side, if we move, I get to fly Southwest again. We�ll use them to go down to find a place to live. When will the major airlines realize that nearly $400 is too much too much to pay to fly from Newark to Raleigh? I can go from Philly to Raleigh for $70 round trip. It�s worth the extra 45 minutes in the car. I also will get to document the Flying Southwest experience. If you haven�t done so, do it at least once. It�s an awesome way to study exactly how far society has fallen.
Then, as to prove a point, I got to listen to my pal DangerSpouse tell me that 80 was just not happening this morning and that everyone would be best served to find another way to work. 2 hours later, I got here. Thank God Shmuppie�s a good girl. She slept for about an hour of the trip. I wish I�d been able to do the same.
So, I�ll bring this horrid entry to a close here and see what the rest of this day brings. Tonight should be interesting. Jesus, this thing was a mess. I think I�ll go figure out where I�m seeing Revenge of the Sith. Gots to find me a theater near ChurchBomber and MerlotMan. They may not know it yet, but they�re watching the kid that night. I gots to get my dork on something fierce. Do I wear the Darth Vader or Darth Maul tie that day?