I pooped a little while ago and it felt nice. Really opened things up for me.
So, JewelrySlut is home today pretending to be sick. The carpenter ant man is coming at some point, so she�s babysitting the house. She called earlier to let me know she�d run out of gas�in the garage. I guess that little light that comes on actually does mean something. Maybe AAA came, maybe they didn�t. I�m too busy at work doing nothing to care a whole lot.
We had a hella awesome weekend. Yesterday, while Shmuppie napped, we cleaned out one of JewelrySlut�s closets. Making any joke about why and how women have more clothes would be too easy. She pitched 3 big trash bags of clothing. It will be dropped in the clothing bins near Blockbuster if she ever gets AAA to come by.
Clothes fell into a few categories as they were sorted through:
Dress too small because boobs are too big.
Several little vacation-type dresses fell to this one. It seems that my megasperm not only knocked her up, but brought the boobie fairy to town. We lost a few nice items here, but, come on; she�s got a RACK now.
Dress too small because �Would it kill you to do a sit-up or 9?�
Um�Shmuppie also brought 50+ lbs with her to the party. The last 3-4 are the hardest apparently (See�like how I parsed that all the way down to 3-4 and not the 49 that it really is?) (Ducks to avoid candlestick)
�Did my mother buy you that thing?�
My mother shops on the premise of �It�s cheap; someone�s bound to fit into it�. Only now, as a 30 year old, am I finally shedding her influences on my wardrobe. My mother used to volunteer at a 2nd hand store in a VERY rich town. She�d sort through all the donations and use the �one for them, one for me� sorting style. I went through adolescence wearing name brand clothes�with other people�s names stitched into the collars. It was nice.
�Stay the night. I want to spend it with you. Stay the night, there�s room enough here for two�
We FINALLY got rid of the Junior Prom dress, Confirmation Dress, Some high school dance dress�etc. Mind you, these were all vintage 1987-89. Hence the awful singing of Chicago songs by moi.
I spend Saturday on one of my many fruitless adventures. JewelrySlut was out getting her hairs did. The drapes once again match the carpeting. She�d been having me color her hair (insert feyg jokes at any time). See�I�m a balding doofus, not a hair fag. So, she had it all brought back to its original color (almost) so it can rest for a while. I took Shmuppie out. We needed to go to the auto parts store for wiper blades and an air filter for the Odometer-mobile. After, I wanted to run to Wal-Mart to get Shmuppie the Fischer Price Doctor kit. I think they have one at the factory where she works, and she�s always trying to inject us with things and making medical comments. I figured she�s like it. I enjoyed mine in the way back. You�d strap on the stethoscope and scream into the foam rubber thing to see if your ears could bleed. Then again, I think only boys did this. So, we get to Wal-Mart and, as expected, it�s a fucking mess.
Folks, when you�re in the motorized scooter because you weigh 700+lbs, maybe it�s time to have a salad. Put down the Twinkie and eat something not covered in cheese.
We wander for a while and I can�t find the thing. I�m pissy at this point, mainly because I�m guessing it�s been discontinued along with all the other cool kid toys because of chafing concerns or something. Shmuppie�s behaving so I decide to drive to a big shopping complex about 20 minutes away. They have a Babies-R-Us and a bigger Suck-Mart. I hate going to that place because of the people and the parking. See, all you SUV driving assholes need to learn how to park those things. Driving really slowly and taking 10 minutes to pull into a parking spot is not acceptable at all. Double parking also is not. Driving real fast up and down the aisles while ignoring any non-SUV also is not acceptable. So, we hit both stores and get nothing. At this point, Shmuppie was crashing and had been promised a toy. I grabbed an insert for her Leap Pad (Dora the Explorer, our favorite migrant) and we went home. I hate when I want to buy something that I think should be easy to find and can�t find it. I once walked my college�s town for 2 hours looking for a Sunday paper. I�m also stubborn and don�t know when to quit.
Shmuppie�s going to be 3 in a week and a half. We have 2 dilemmas.
1: We didn�t get the memo explaining how she got to be 3. Holy shit.
2: We don�t know what to get her. We�d like to move the toys to other rooms of the house so she�ll think they�re new, but that�s mean. The kid�s got way too much shit. Maybe we�ll make a donation to the Human Fund. So, does anyone have any ideas? She�s got a sandbox already. We don�t want to get a swing set because we still think we could end up moving. I saw this inflatable, jumpy thing on the Little Tykes website. It looks like fun. But, at this rate, the yard will never dry out enough to use it. I�m hoping they make My First Swamp Boat. That would be best.
I love the D-Land backlash going on lately. PeteMoss and WCG have left or are leaving. I can be seen here also. I set it up back in October. I did little with it at the time and will hold it open until I get angry with D-Land. I think that happens to everyone eventually.
Well, I could go out and check my voicemail on my cell phone, but don�t want to be disappointed if I haven�t heard about the job or didn�t get it. I think I�ll wait until 5.
I�m sleepy.