Quick hits from the big date:
As far as I can tell, we all had a good time.
Not much inappropriate touching.
No fights.
Minimal crying.
No visible injuries.
The kids all had a good time too.
OK�so on Friday, after posting our weekend plans; I get �the email�. Now, I will admit that I was going to send it, but I will go on the record to say that HE sent it first. HE approached me. HE sidled up to me at the Diaryland singles bar and offered to buy me an Appletini.
So, (and I paraphrase here because details are for losers) I get the �So, you�re going to Jenks� (Eyes looking down, foot nervously making little circles in the dirt). Well, my wife will be out all day, maybe I could bring the kids. Lil�Pimp likes fishes. �
I write back that I think it�s a good idea and say we�ll exchange cell numbers. At this point, I�m not ready to commit to putting my cell so I stall for time and make pink shirts or something. There�s nothing better to do when you�re feeling indecisive than Gay-bash. So, I wrap things up, use my real name and drop in the cell number. I�ve taken the next step.
Emails trade, along with more cell numbers, and we�re just about set. Pimp leaves me a message on Saturday night. I had left my phone right by my side, eagerly awaiting his call, but because we live on the corner of BumFuck and You Got a Purty Mouth Streets, it never rang. He�s got to go �to church� on Sunday, so we push back the meeting time to around 12:30.
But, we�ll rewind a little. Spring seems to have arrived in New Jersey. This is odd because we haven�t had a spring in a while. We usually have winter, rain and summer. I think it was last year when we had the heat on one morning and the AC in the evening. It went from 30 to 90 in like 8 hours. That was it, no spring, just summer. But, Saturday was nice. I got the garage cleaned, we cleaned the house, we got several of JewelrySlut�s plants re-potted and I got her car washed. Can�t go on a big date with a filthy car. I even made sure to put on my Daisy Dukes and bend over a lot to show the neighborhood my ass. It was H-O-T.
So, Sunday rolls around and it�s time to go. We drove down to Point Pleasant and it was like a July day down there. People and traffic all silly. I used to like to stalk the streets of shore towns for parking spaces, but it led to many a fight. Now it�s, find a lot, pay the people, get going. No fights. We made our way to the beach.
Now, along the way, the phone rang. It was time to talk to my internet friend. That went well, and Pimp didn�t sound toothless or anything. We finalized the time and place of meeting.
So, on the beach�Shmuppie�s having a ball and a half. She�s playing in the sand and having a grand old time. After a little while, I led us back to the boardwalk and the aquarium. As we�re walking around, it occurred to me that I had no idea what Pimp looked like. As I told JewelrySlut, �I�ve seen his head Photo Shopped onto the hood of his minivan and onto the head of a Thai cab driver. Other than that, I have no clue.� No sooner than I finish the sentence, but that big head is right next to me. There�s a really tall dude pushing a double stroller. I figured �What the Hell� and just walked over and said Hi. We introduced the kids and, fortunately, Shmuppie seemed ready to go. We weren�t going to have any of her clinging to Mommy�s legs and peeking out from between them. We looked each other over; all seemed OK with each other and went to go see the fishes.
Oh�beforehand as we�re doing intros, we learn that, having seen Shmuppie�s picture in an entry that she�s cute and we must be harmless. So, Pimp says Hi to Shmuppie and announces, out loud mind you, �You�re just as cute as your picture on the internet.�
Screech goes the record soundtrack of the day.
Me: Um�did you just say that about my daughter?
Pimp: Yea�I mean�
Me: Sure. Let�s go
Can I mention here that none of this is funny? I tossed in the short shorts joke because I noticed that I�m a little off this morning. Proceed with caution, folks, I�m not feeling it this morning.
Well, we went into the aquarium and there was much excitement. Shmuppie and Lil�Pimp had made an immediate Love Connection and were pointing at all the fishes:
�Look! A Nemo!�
�Look! A Dorrie�
(Helps to have a kid who likes Finding Nemo to fully appreciate these lines)
The kids were having a ball at this point. They ran from tank to tank pointing at all the fish, bouncing off other people, and generally having a great time. It was time for the adults to feel each other up and out. �So, where do you work?� �So, how�d you find D-Land?� Turns out that Pimp and JewelrySlut both are chemist-types so they have something in common. The three of us too turns talking and chasing the kids.
**Quick parenting note: It was quickly evident that we had very similar parenting styles. That was good. We just let the kids chase each other and have fun. I was really surprised how well the 2 little lovebirds did together.**
We learned that Pimp had gotten all kinds of shit for going on an internet date with another grown man, his wife and his kids. Wives, what do they know?
We saw fishes, sharks, penguins, a big snake, seals and all sorts of marine life. We went upstairs to see some other things and the kids continued their running and chasing and yelling and generally having a ball thing. Pimpette had pooped, so we all had that going for us too. So, Pimp�s phone rings. I offer to answer it.
Me: I have your husband
Mrs. Pimp: Don�t even say that. That�s not funny
Me: The kids are really cute. I should be able to get a good price for them
Mrs. Pimp: Done say that
Me Shall I un-tape your husband and let you talk to him?
After we�d had our fill of fish, the kids were ready to go. They were starting to get cranky. We headed outside for some walking and eating. We found a food joint that not only served pizza and french-fries, but also served beer.
**I�ll add again that I�m having trouble with this today. My brain is not working and I�m not enjoying typing this.**
We snacked and had a round of beers. I�ll say this about the Pimp. I was getting food while he got the beer. I don�t know if he asked what we liked or not, but the man produced Bass. No, it was actually more like bAss, but anyone who goes for the good stuff is OK by me. We sat and ate. The lovebirds shared food and continued to let their love grow. Pimpette showered me and her Daddy with crumbs of assorted natures. Ahhh�to have a baby again�
After eating, we decided to do a few rides. We thought we could get Shmuppie and Lil�Pimp on the Dumbo-type ride together. They were both to short, so I rode with Shmuppie and JewelrySlut took Lil�Pimp on the ride. All went well and I think at least 1 photo was taken. The kids wanted to ride the dragons next. This was some sort of vomit-inducing tilt-a-whirl thing. I was not looking forward to it. The Dumbos had made me queasy. I don�t like spinning rides. We bought like $587 worth of little tickets and then noticed that the line was eternal. This was not going to be good. The kids were already cranky and the line looked at least a half hour long. After some tears, we decided to do the Nemos. They were good because the kids could ride alone and it only cost 2 tickets per. We strapped the kids in and off they went. Shmuppie liked it for the most part. She was crying when she got off, but then began crying more when she realized that she had to get off. This is why we haven�t gone to Disney yet with her. I don�t have the patience for it yet. I applaud all parents who can do it (That�s you, Pimp).
**Another parenting note: Part of being a good parent is knowing when to bail out. At this point, all the kids were getting antsy. I�d say we were 15 minutes away from total melt downs. You need to know how to read your kids and be willing to maybe eat a few bucks in ride tickets from time to time. There were plenty of kids going totally bonkers with parents who seemed equally unhappy. The 3 of us all sensed it and began the goodbyes.**
Well, let me say this about Lil�Pimp: He likes the ladies and ain�t afraid to show it. He gave Shmuppie a big hug and knocked her town. There he is lying on top of my little girl.
Me: Um�you want to get your kid off of my daughter?
Pimp: He likes the ladies. What can I say?
Then, Lil�Pimp gave JewelrySlut a big hug and a kiss on the lips. Kid�s a playah for certain. BigPimpin even gave JewelrySlut a hug and cheek peck. Me? I got a hi-five from the little guy and a very manly handshake from Dad. No love for the NoGoodDaddy.
The ride home went well. After we got home, I asked Shmuppie if she had a good time
Shmuppie: YES!
Me: Did you like Lil�Pimp?
Shmuppie: YES!
Me: Did you like Mr. Pimp?
Shmuppie: He�s silly. He�s a pirate
What?