I was in a meeting yesterday and was bored. So, I grabbed my pager (look at me, folks, I �m cool with a pager and all) because I have saved all the pages JewelrySlut has sent me.
They read as follows:
1/7/04: FUCKER!!!!!!!!!!!!!
1/15/04: ASSMUNCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!YOU LIKE EATING ASS.
3/19/04: Nice head, deek.
3/29/04: SLAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
6/21/04: FUCKER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SUCK MY ASS MOTHER FUCKER!!!!! I MEAN I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!
10/21/04: Hello Lover
10/22/04: You want happy ending?
10/26/04: SUCK IT!
11/1/04: HOW�S YOUR NUT????
11/04/04: PEACE OUT NIGGAZ!
3/30/05: Shit Blossom
I love the woman very much, but as you all can see, she�s clearly not sane. I think the one from 6/21 is my personal favorite. It�s fun because it takes up like 45 little screens on the pager because she put in like 3400 more !�s than I did.
That�s real sweet-like of her, isn�t it?
Overheard at the meeting:
We need to make sure we have a PCR and PTS for the project.
Me: What�s a PCR
RedHead: It�s like an ACR.
Me: (puzzled look)
RedHead: It�s like a SSR
Me: (puzzled look)
RedHead: (nothing. If you challenge her or force her to explain things, it quickly becomes apparent that she has no clue what she�s talking about and gets flustered. I do this on purpose)
Later, we discussed LOEs. I know what an LOE is. It�s a Level Of Effort. One needs to know the LOE for each step of a project. Someone figures out the LOE. I�d guess there�s some LOE troll somewhere or something.
Being me, I have asked the following:
If we�re figuring out how much time this will take (What the LOE really does), has anyone figured out how long the figuring will take and what the LOE is associated with that? Again, you may see this as me being my usual sarcastic self, but here, I get puzzled looks and people scattering to try to figure it all out.
Hint�you can�t. See, it�s a loop that keeps bringing you back to the beginning.
We got the results of our company-wide email survey about why we all get so much email. While � of us said that emails go on for too long and that they include too many people, only 59% said it�s the most effective way to communicate. No, the phone is. Because you can�t not answer a question on the phone. If I ask you something, you don�t get to say �That�s not my job and seems to involve a paradigm shift that is not compatible with the phase of Saturn�s moons� or some other bullshit that people like to say. Here�s one: They looked at emails for one week. Our employees sent a total of 500,000 emails. We received 1,000,000. That�s 2 recipients for every email. That�s the ridiculous part. People cc: the world and nobody cares about 99% of it. I had it easy, only 15 emails waiting for me this morning. Great.
I had it out with the Ninny realtor again last night. We were playing outside with Shmuppie after work and a neighbor swung by and yelled out �Are you still moving to North Carolina?� This was odd for 2 reasons.
1: We�ve never spoken to this woman before
2: We never told this woman or anyone else where we planned to move.
Turns out that the Ninny�s daughter told her. Thanks for that. That was nice of you to tell the neighborhood what our plans are. I told the Ninny that we were more than just disappointed, but we were angry about this. I then went on to tell her again how this has been a disaster. She fought back by saying that it�s not her fault, but it�s the house. It�s listed to high and the yard is no good. Now, I can almost understand about the yard. Our house site to the right side of the property and there�s really no back yard. There is a large yard on the left side of the house. There�s also a small stream in the back. It�s like 1 foot wide and usually is 3� deep. When it rains like hell (lately) it grows to maybe 2 feet wide and like 8 inches deep. I could see why some lazy parent who didn�t want to pay attention to their kids could be put off by this. But, the price is what she told us to list it for. I reminded her of this and she said that the house should have sold at that price, but it was too high.
Me: Why did we list so high then. We took your advice
Ninny: Because that�s where I thought it should have sold
Me: So you were wrong.
Ninny: No, I told you to lower the price and you don�t listen
(Side note�do the math on lowering the price of your house. You lose several thousands of dollars, the realtor loses a few hundred. It�s a big difference.)
Me: You�re right, after all this time, it is too high. Where it should have been listed is lower than we can afford to sell it. If we�d known this upfront, we never would have listed, saving you time and us a lot of grief. We trusted you and put our futures in your hand. You failed.
Ninny: I worked hard on your house. I did everything you asked.
(Yea�like advertise. She had no plans to put the house on Realtor.com . I had to force her to do it. She has no concept of the whole �internet thing� and how it is a useful house hunting tool.)
Me: I have no doubt you worked hard, but the house didn�t sell. There�s no gray area. We wanted it to sell. It didn�t. You failed.
Is that too harsh? I like results. I like getting things done and moving from task to task. I don�t like getting the runaround, I don�t like meetings. I like getting �it� done. She did not get it done.
3 weeks and we�re done.
When we decide to re-list, I think we�re listing on our own and going in at like $10000 lower than where we are. We�ll still be $10000 in the positive. We�re paying this woman, potentially, $20000 to sell our house. I expect results for $20000. I don�t expect having the neighbors told what we�re doing.
We�re off to Cape May tomorrow. It should be a good weekend. We really like going down there. We�re kinda lame though. We do the same things every time and we eat at the same places. It�s OK though.
Here�s the itinerary:
Arrive Friday night. We usually leave on Friday AM, but I�m covering for someone here so we�re pushing everything off by a day. We�ll arrive, check in, go to a bar, and eat something. Hopefully screw.
Saturday: Wake up. Screw. Walk up and down the boardwalk (assuming it�s not raining). Get breakfast at Uncle Bill�s Pancake House. The place is cheesy, but the pancakes are good. After bathing, and maybe screwing, we�ll drive up to Smithville, NJ. We usually swing through there on the way down, bus, as mentioned, we�re off by a day. There�s a bunch of little shoppes and the like there. There�s a winery where we�ll buy a few gallons of local wine. We�ll see the Gay Cheese Man for some Sturminster. It�s a great cheese. Kinda like a cheddar, but it�s got bits of green shit in it. I think they�re green onions. We�ll get some pizza and then head back to Cape May. Back in town, we may walk around, or we may pop open a bottle of wine and eat some cheese. Screwing will be involved. Then, it�s off to dinner at a local seafood place that we like. After dinner, we usually pass out.
Sunday: We�ll wake up, screw, walk, eat, bathe. Then, it�s off to the Cape May Zoo . The zoo used to be really ghetto, but they�ve fixed it up. If I�m lucky, an emu will attack me. Emus hate me. Then, it�s back to the hotel for a nap. The zoo tires us out. Dinner and sleep.
Monday: Get up and drive home.
We�ve been doing this trip at least once a year since 1997 or so. We�re pretty lame. But, we�re happy about our lame-ness.
Well, now that I�ve rambled on about nothing and provided details about a trip that no one will care about, I guess I�ll punch out now.