Like everyone else, this was supposed to be posted on Friday, but Diaryland Shat the Bed
With apologies to Bill Simmons , I�m calling this mess Ramblings.
I was reading Waiter Rant this morning. I like it. I like it because I think food server people have horrible jobs. Despite that, they usually do a very good job. I also like it because he works in NYC and deals with absolute lunatics.
Which reminds me of�
JewelrySlut and I have bad luck at restaurants. We always seem to get bad tables and/or retarted servers. Let me tell you a story:
Fall of Aught-Three we�re in Cape May, NJ. We like going there. It�s our place for weekend getaways of eating, drinking, shopping and sex. It�s a cute little town at the bottom of NJ. It�s so far South that you�re actually below the Mason-Dixon Line. I guess that officially makes it The South. That explains a thing or 3, but I digress. We like to go out of season because the numerous good restaurants are empty. So, we go out one night to The Blue Pig for dinner. It looked like it would be OK.
We arrive on time and our table�s not ready. Mind you, the place is maybe � full, but OUR table isn�t ready. So we wait�.. Finally we get seated and I get the wine list. I pick a wine and order.
Waiter: We don�t have that
Me: (scrambling because the list wasn�t that god) What about this?
Waiter: We don�t have that
Me: (picking again) What about this?
Waiter: We don�t have that
Me: What do you have?
Waiter: We don�t really have any red wine.
Me: ?
Waiter: Yea�we only have one red. Would you like me to open it and let you try?
Me (This is going to be baaaaaaaad): Sure
Time passes�time passes�
He brings the wine. I guess in the technical sense it�s wine. It�s red in color and I can taste alcohol.
Me: Sure. We�ll have this
At this point, I honestly don�t remember what JewelrySlut was doing. Probably trying to swallow her own tongue.
We order and I order grilled lamb chops. I seem to always order lamb even though I don�t like it. I think it�s because I think I should like it and keep going back to the well. JewelrySlut orders Paella.
Our appetizer of calamari was dreadful.
Entrees come. Mine looks nice, JewelrySlut�s looks hideous. It looks like it�s been in a pot for days. There�s no rice, rather, there�s pale yellow sludge.
I try some lamb. It was bad. JewelrySlut tries some paella. It was also bad. She then noticed a shrimp tail. No shrimp�just the tail. It was as if someone had eaten the rest and pitched the tail back in the pot. I took a 2nd bite and nearly threw up. At this point JewelrySlut had given up. She may or may not have put her napkin over her plate to hide the sight of her �food�. The waiter came back.
Waiter: How is everything?
Me: I can say that this is the worst food I�ve ever eaten. Can we see a manager because I think we�d like to leave?
Waiter: _________ I don�t think he actually said anything
So, we wait and the manger comes by. We tell her about the wine, the calamari and the entrees. JewelrySlut holds up the offending shrimp as evidence. I say that dinner was very bad and that the whole experience was terrible. She told us she was new and had no idea what she was going to do with the place because this was happening all the time. I thought the woman was going to cry she seemed so upset. She told us we didn�t have to pay for anything. I offered to pay for the wine at least. She wouldn�t let us. We left and had ice cream for dinner. I�ll add that despite the lousy service and worse food, neither of us got mad or irrational. It was so bad that by acting totally calm, I think I scared them to death.
So, I treat myself to lunch twice a year. Yesterday and today, I go out for lunch. I sit in the local bar and watch the NCAA games.
Here�s what annoyed me:
Yesterday was St Patrick�s Day after all. You would not believe how many people were drinking Coors Lite. Coors Lite makes me mad. Don�t fucking bother. I drank Guinness.
I went back today and it was worse. I sat down and ordered a YingLing (I know it�s not spelled that way, but it�s more fun to type it that way). I got a short pull by about 1�. Let me tell you this. If I�d wanted the bartender to pull something short, I�d have taken down my pants and handed the guy a magnifying glass. I wanted a PINT, not 92.34% of a pint. My second came the same way. Ugh. The food also blew. How do you mess up a salad? Want to know? Use wilted lettuce. Double ugh. Then, for the kicker, CBS had magically managed to get all 4 games to go to the half at the same time. We had 8 TV�s of commercials. To boot, when they came back, the games were bad. Not good times (sorry Bill.
Know what I like? I like the GEICO commercial for sorry Tiny House. That thing always cracks me up.
Well�I think that�s enough drivel for now.
Tomorrow we�re gong to a retirement party for a coworker of JewelrySlut�s. I won�t really know anyone there. We did get a room at a local hotel though.
Hotel sex!
SWEET!!!