I don�t know why I allowed myself to get sucked in, but Lost sucked me in like few things ever have. Well, that�s not true. I can get sucked in by anything shiny or spinny. Make something shiny spin and I start drooling. Sometime I�ll have to tell you why Starship Troopers is the perfect movie.
So, JewelrySlut (I asked her beforehand and my beloved wife approved this as her journal name. She works for a company who sells things in cute little blue boxes) and I did our Wednesday night drooling last night in front of ABC. The show�s so horrible that we can�t help but watch. It�s got to be the greatest example of train wreck TV ever. I can�t look away because I�ve invested so much of my life in the show to date. To abandon it would just be wrong. Last night was a fun episode. It was almost as fun as reading people�s interpretations of the numbers the episode centered around. Why must people ALWAYS relate things to the Bible? Ugh�
So, this has been a fun few days. I was planning on writing about my newest long-term/big picture problem, but I�ll give you some more fun ones.
As I pulled into work at HealthcareRelatedCompany yesterday, a cop followed me into the lot, lights blazing and siren going. I had no clue what I�d done. Actually, I figured they were there for one of the many felons we have working here. Nope�they were after me. Seems I never got my car inspected last fall�in October. The cop was kind enough to stand there and say �November, December, January, February�that�s 4 months� Actually, asshole, it�s now March, so you can add another month to your lesson in sarcasm. I was aghast. Not only had the car been to the mechanic since then for new brakes and such, but we�d had it inspected 3 days before when we changed our insurance. Fortunately, it�s a no points offense. Had it been, I�d have killed JewelrySlut. You see, I�m in charge of cooking, planning vacations and watching college basketball. All other important details of our lives are in her hands. Want to know our bank account numbers? Have to ask her? Who owns the mortgage on our house? Ask her. Here in New Jersey, having points on your license is a kiss of death. We�d just spent 15 minutes saving 47% on our insurance with GEICO and I was in no mood to piss it all away over stupidity. Well, I got a summons to pay $130 in fines. To be honest, I deserve it for being an ass and shall pay it promptly.
This brings me to this morning. Off to the DMV to get the car inspected. I decided on the Wayne, NJ inspection station. It�s close to work and it really big. It�s also impossible to find. It�s located right near the vortex of suck that is the intersection of Routes 80, 46 and 23. Anyone from Northern NJ knows how bad that part of the world sucks. There are roads everywhere and the signs are all wrong. After a good 20 minutes of going my impression of �Look kids, Big Ben, Parliament�, I was there. I failed�for a burnt out bulb on my license plate. I didn�t even know I had lights on it. So, I�ll have to go to the auto parts store and then back to Wayne for the re-inspection. That should be fun.
Wombat wants me to start telling tales about where we both work. I don�t know if I have the energy right now. I will add this: We work in NJ. Shockingly, there�s both a landfill and a sewage treatment plant right behind our parking lot. So, in the summer, or whenever the town has taken collective dump, the building smells like shit. My theory is that a bus of escapees from a mental hospital once wandered in from the landfill and were hired by HealthcareRelated Company. You may have wackos where you work, but we have the best wackos. Our people here really are insane. For example, there�s a guy across the cubes from me who�s a fat-possibly gay-obsessive compulsive-germaphobe. He spends the day eating, talking about All My Children and rubbing himself with bleach. He walks around like a surgeon with his sleeves rolled up and his bright red arms. Face it, your arms would be red too if you rubbed bleach on them all day long. You should see it when he pees. He stands waaaayyy back from the urinal. I assume it�s because he fears splashing. It�s quite amusing. Actually it�s not because the constant smell of bleach makes me want to puke.
Later on, I�ll get to the 44-year old virgin who�s holding out for Davey Jones, our entire management team, the smelly loud lady, the hairy lady, and Wombat�s favorite, RedHairedBitch.
To make these past 2 days even more fun, tonight we get to meet with our realtor. As you could have guessed from that statement, we�re trying to sell our house. We don�t have a realtor on retainer or anything like that. She�s doing a GREAT job of not selling our house. So, I wrote to her manager and asked to get out of our contract. They won�t let us. I have no idea why she�s coming over. I�ve told her I think she�s a moron and just want our contract to end so we can hook up with a realtor who�s actually sold a house in the past 7 years.
Here�s something? Would you give up a finger to see/do something? I would. The other night, Jimmy Buffett, Kenny Chesney (aka dickhead) and Alan Jackson all played a show at the Westin on St. John. St. John is my favorite place on Earth. I�d have happily donated a finger or toe to have been there.
Be prepared, folks. St. John is likely to be a recurring theme here so consider yourselves warned.
Well, I�m hungry and could use a drink. I can fix the hungry now but have to wait until later for the drink.