Here�s a good one from the other night:
It�s 8:00 or so, also known as bedtime for Shmuppie. JewelrySlut�s taking the reigns tonight, handling the undressing the �pissing of the kid� as we call it, washing, tooth brushing and dressing in PJs. They tend to bicker in the bathroom. I�m better in the bathroom, JewelrySlut�s better at meal time. Just works that way. Anyhoo. Shmuppie�s screwing around on the potty. She�s fidgeting and not going.
(As opposed to last night when she was sitting there, stark naked, twisting her nipples saying �Boobies Boobies Boobies. Boobies Boobies Boobies. Boobies Boobies Boobies.� But that�s another show)
From the hallway, I yell �Get your ass back on that toilet�
From the bathroom: Don�t say that Daddy. You say �Get your ass on that potty��
Right, kid. Whatever you say.
I have to pee. This is the 2nd time that I�ve had to pee so bad that it hurts. Go pee you say. I wish I could, but, for the 2nd time today, I�m on a call that I can�t get off of. I�m on with the woman in the Ivory Tower who I worked with all summer on the vendor work. I also want her to hire me so I have to be nice while she talks and talks.
But earlier, I was on a call with my boss and another woman. This was fun. The 3 of us were talking. At the same time, my boss and I were having a side conversation AND we were having another side conversation among me, her and 2 people in her office. PLUS, Chika was IM�ing me trying to rationalize her lustful thoughts for me through Chinese horoscopes or some other voodoo stuff. All I knew was that I needed to pee�REAL BAD.
**I wrote all that yesterday. Now it�s today. Yesterday got crazy on me**
I�m here in the basement doing a full on pee pee dance. JewelrySlut, ever the helpful wife, is offering me assorted small vessels to pee into. Opening the doors to the backyard is looking really good right about now.
I finally get off the call and run upstairs into the hall bathroom. Of course, Shmuppie�s stool is blocking the door. I kick it aside. Her potty seat (not a toilet seat, thank you) is on the potty. I toss it aside. Now, because it�s morning, I have no my track pants. I grab the drawstring...relief is mere seconds away�and promptly manage to tie it into a double knot. Not paying attention (I�m now blind from the need to pee); I pull harder on the string. I�m stuck. I try to pull the pants down. No luck, they�re too tight. I try to pull them down a wee bit and sneak Mr. Winkie up over the top. While I can accomplish that, I have now managed to bend my penis into a shape utterly incompatible with urination. Should I continue, it will either come out in spastic spurts or just not come out at all. I do the only thing I can think to do. I yell for JewelrySlut to come help me. She comes barreling down the stairs (her and Shmuppie are getting ready to go somewhere) because I�m hollering. I�m standing there, still dancing, and pleading for her to undo the knot. She does, but by now, Shmuppie has joined us in the downstairs hallway. It seems that she�s happy to see me and wants to tell me a story or hug me or just fuck around directly in my path. The knot is freed, but I now have a toddler in my way. I shoo the kid aside, slam the door and do one of those 4 minute Austin Powers pees. Thank God. Relief never felt so wonderful.
**back to today**
Well, I�m now playing the new job thing to the hilt. My boss knows that she needs me after March. I don�t think I need her anymore. I can smell what�s going to happen. I�ll stay working in our area, get my pitiful 2.9% raise and continue working. Only now I�ll be managing this new vendor relationship. All I know is that I�ll be vastly underpaid and in a department where there�s never any opportunity for growth. Our finance guy wants me out so bad I�m sure he can taste it. However, getting my salary off the books will not really solve the problem at hand. The problem is that there is one director, 1 senior manager, 1 regular manager and 3 supervisors who overseeing maybe 20 people. Right there has got to be at least half a million dollars in wasted money. They�re all there to manage and supervise nothing. After March ends, that 20 will be down to about 10 (our operation represents half of the total hourly employee workforce). Great. But I�m the problem.
Now if I go work for this other woman and manage the vendor relationship from under her, I think I could be looking at a 50% raise easily. This woman is also helping me look for a new job and it tossing around salary numbers that it would take me roughly the rest of my life to make at my current rate of increases. I think that�s what I should be paid�a lot more than I am. I took the lousy salary deal this year in order to get this work from home deal. Now it�s going to be time to pay the hell up. I also have a meeting later on with another internal department who may be interested in my services. It could be very funny. One day, my boss could turn around and I could be gone. Gone as in out of the company entirely or gone as in out from under her. The sad thing is that she sees it coming but keeps begging me to not do anything until she has time to discuss it all with TiniVP. Right. Sure, let me do that right away. All in all, things look good. The woman who�s heading up the whole vendor thing is really pushing for me to get the position in charge of our operation�s relationship. I�m pretty sure I�m going to get it too. I�m just wary of whom I�ll be working for and whether or not I�ll be making what I deserve.
And, if I play this wrong and lose my job�so be it. We came to Raleigh because it�s got a good job market. I�ll land on my feet in the end. I just need to avoid coming off too cocky.
It should be fun.
**EDIT TIME** I just got another extension until the end of June. That's good news. Now, let's go for the kill and get this thing permanent.